Print Story So, is it the weekend yet?
Sci-Fi
By greyshade (Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 08:02:07 PM EST) (all tags)
Could someone sell me a clue?  I'll pay top dollar.

  • Women are clinically insane
  • Other woman crazyness
  • Technology of the devil


  • Women are clinically insane

    I happened to see TVg on the bus the other day while riding back to my vehicle from campus.  Despite being a bit put-off by her suddenly not returning my calls, I figured it would be impolite to at least not say hi.  What the hey, we might even end up having a conversation and I can get some clue as to where I might have stepped wrong with her.  We ended up passing near each other after disembarking from the bus.  I smiled, nodded in greeting, and said “Hey, TVg.”  She stared straight ahead and continued walking and talking with her friend.  Her friend never turned to see who was saying hi to TVg either.  The entire situation was surreal.  I’ve never been so intentionally and obviously ignored.

    I wonder what, exactly, she feels I’ve done to wrong her.  I admit, I found it a bit immature that the last two times I called; she would take the call, beg off saying she would call back, and not call.  This, however… Infantile.  Sweetheart, we’re both adults.  No need to play little kid’s games.

    Maybe next she’ll be waiting outside one of my classes to pelt me with rocks.  Clinically insane, I tell ya.  Why can’t I meet any normal women?

  • Other woman crazyness

    My ConversationalFrenchTeacher stopped me in the hall on my way into class yesterday.

    “greyshade.  There is something I want to talk with you about,” said she.

    “Merde!  Qu’est-ce que j’ai fait maintenant?” I responded with a grin.

    “It’s not something I want to talk about around other people,” she practically whispered while glancing around nervously.

    “I can come to your office after class if you like,” I suggested.  My mind was racing. Is this about me skipping class Monday?  I think that was only my second skip.  What the hell is this about?

    “Yes, that would be fine.  Would you mind waiting until I talk with WTFg? “ she asked while crossing the hall to our classroom.  “I need to speak with her, too.”

    WTFg has another class just before our conversational class in the same room.  If she isn’t already in the room when I get there, she won’t be there.  She wasn’t there.  “Looks like WTFg  won’t be joining us today,” I observe.

    “That’s what I needed to talk with her about.  She’s been missing a lot of classes,” CFT muttered with a sigh.

    Class started shortly thereafter, and I pretty much forgot about it.  I did, however, get scolded and told that ‘your conversational class is not the place to try picking up sugar-mommas’.  Feh.  Anyplace is a good place to try to get a suger-momma.  After class I took a desk in the front of the room and waited for the other students to finish gathering their personal effects and shuffle out.  CFT took a desk next to me after everyone had left.

    She had an air of gravity about her that one usually assumes when speaking about fatal diseases.  “There is a french grad student here, one of the student-teachers, who likes you.”

    “What!?” I exclaim.  Let’s say that I was a bit incredulous.

    “I can’t tell you who,” she said, eyeing the door.  “But she met you at 307 and really likes you.  I can’t tell you any more.  I’m not even supposed to know, and I’m not even sure if you are interested.”  That said, she stood and left.

    Met me at 307.  That’s rich.  I can’t count the people I’ve met at 307.  Tell me someone likes me and don’t tell me who it is.  Are you going to start passing anonymous notes for her next?  To top it off, I saw TVg waiting at the bus stop to get to the parking lot.  I smiled at her.  She turned the other way.  I chuckled.  I wanted to burst into maniacal laughter.  I feel like I’m in grade school again.  Infreakingsane.  All of them.

    At least TVg didn’t pelt me with rocks.

  • Technology of the devil

    I was chatting on the phone yesterday night with DoesntDateMe.  We spoke for between forty minutes and an hour.  I was outside my office building so I could have a smoke or two.  The light above me would shut off and flicker back on at irregular intervals.  I had not slept much that day, and had yet to have my coffee.  My mental processing capabilitys were not optimal.  When I finished my conversation with her, I do a quick check of my phone to assess how much charge I had remaining for the next day on campus.  Midnight already.  Time to kick off those general ledger jobs.

    Hmmn… What is that stuff on my phone?

    The light above me flickers to life.

    Blood?!?!  The majority of my phone is covered in blood, as well as a fair portion of my hand.  Jimminy fucksticks!  My celly phone is suffering from demonic possession and is oozing forth blood as it prepares to consume my soul in some unholy ritual!

    blink
    blink

    Rational, greyshade.  There has to be a rational explanation for why you’re holding a blood-drenched phone.  My sleep-deprived mind churns to life and begins sorting through possible scenarios.  I feel a tickle on my ear.  I need to get my hair trimmed, I think as I absently brush it away from my ear.  My finger comes away with fresh blood.

    Apparently I nicked my ear with the edge of a fingernail I had chipped earlier that day but had not yet tended to.  That annoying tickle I had been bothered by for most of my phone conversation was apparently not a stray lock of hair, but my life’s blood slowly escaping my body.

    At least I got to tell DDM that she talked so much that my ear started bleeding.

    That’s all I got for now.  Cut. Paste. Post.

  • < Trout Mask Replica sucks | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
    So, is it the weekend yet? | 18 comments (18 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
    But you have! by extremely tedious HuSer (4.00 / 2) #1 Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 08:42:17 PM EST
    Why can’t I meet any normal women?
    She sounds to me like she is

    Fair enough. by greyshade (4.00 / 1) #2 Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 08:50:52 PM EST
    She is certainly normal in the sense that she acts like plenty of other women.  I would rather like a normal woman in the sense that she acts like a stable, rational human being.

    An unreasonable request, I know... but a guy can dream.

    "The other part of the fun is nibbling on them when they get off work." -vorheesleatherface

    [ Parent ]
    We did this song already, but since it's you by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #3 Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 09:31:41 PM EST
    Why can't a woman be more like a man?

    -
    Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
    [ Parent ]
    Yes, yes. by greyshade (2.00 / 0) #4 Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 09:37:05 PM EST
    They ask all the right questions.

    But where are the answers, man!

    "The other part of the fun is nibbling on them when they get off work." -vorheesleatherface

    [ Parent ]
    A) A lengthy course of hormones and surgery by Rogerborg (4.00 / 2) #5 Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 09:42:56 PM EST
    B) Knock some sense into them.

    It's a quick fix world, so I wouldn't spend too long on option A.

    -
    Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.

    [ Parent ]
    I want to be a house-husband when I grow up! by greyshade (2.00 / 0) #6 Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 10:38:17 PM EST
    Therefore, I don't want to set some sort of precedent by spending money on option A.  I'll have to go with option B.

    I thank you for your advice.  I will advise you of it's effectiveness in future diarys.

    "The other part of the fun is nibbling on them when they get off work." -vorheesleatherface

    [ Parent ]
    There should be some sort of singles service - by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #7 Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 10:49:26 PM EST
    No, wait, here it is!

    -
    Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
    [ Parent ]
    Please note: by DesiredUsername (4.00 / 1) #8 Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 11:05:30 PM EST
    This:

    Not this:

  • item
  • item
  • item


  • ---
    Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline
    I thank you for the advice. by greyshade (4.00 / 1) #9 Wed Apr 20, 2005 at 11:15:39 PM EST
    However, I don't want Robert Abooey Esq to sue the pants off me for completely stealing his trademarked bullet-point style.

    Because, you know... He has this strange fixation with pants being off.

    Perhaps I can get him to let me buy into his franchise so that I can properly use bullet-points.

    "The other part of the fun is nibbling on them when they get off work." -vorheesleatherface

    [ Parent ]
    Who are you? by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #10 Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 12:18:36 AM EST
    And why are you channeling me?

    I thought we had already established this.... by greyshade (4.00 / 1) #15 Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 09:41:54 AM EST
    I'm your dupe account.

    Just don't tell anyone.  Because, you know...  I hate being the other guy.

    "The other part of the fun is nibbling on them when they get off work." -vorheesleatherface

    [ Parent ]
    Why can’t I meet any normal women? by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #11 Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 12:22:36 AM EST
    Spiritual like attracts spiritual like...

    Earth First!
    (We can strip mine the rest later.)

    Damn the bad luck. by greyshade (2.00 / 0) #14 Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 09:39:08 AM EST
    I am DOOMED.

    "The other part of the fun is nibbling on them when they get off work." -vorheesleatherface
    [ Parent ]
    WIPO by Gedvondur (4.00 / 2) #12 Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 01:14:39 AM EST
    My one misogynic comment for the day comes from when I used to work for a Chevrolet-Oldsmobile dealer in my teens.

    I worked in the parts department as a shipper and sometimes as a delivery driver.  The old guy that ran the shipping department was named Arizona.  (Not making that up.  It was stitched into his shirts too).  He had a saying about women.

    "Women are broken and you can't get parts."

    Gedvondur
    "I don't have enough middle fingers to communicate my feelings to you." --clover kicker

    This Arizona person... by greyshade (4.00 / 1) #17 Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 09:56:27 AM EST
    He is a sage.

    You are lucky you didn't have to make a pilgrimage to some remote mountaintop to receive his wisdom.

    "The other part of the fun is nibbling on them when they get off work." -vorheesleatherface

    [ Parent ]
    Heh by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #18 Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 01:33:09 PM EST
    Ya, Arizona was a regular fountain of wisdom. 

    Gedvondur
    "I don't have enough middle fingers to communicate my feelings to you." --clover kicker

    [ Parent ]
    Your problem lies here: by debacle (4.00 / 1) #13 Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 08:17:06 AM EST
    "Why can’t I meet any normal women?"

    There are two kinds of women. One kind seems to be a crazed bitch at nearly every hour. These ones tend to be fiery women who have no compunction against devouring the souls of lesser men.

    The key to these types is that there is often a small eye in the center of their hurricane, small enough for a man (or a woman, sometimes) to exist peacefully. These women are hopelessly lost, and need that man (or woman) to give them guidance.

    If you ever step out of that little eye, expect to be murdered brutally.

    The other kind of woman seems to be normal on the outside, and quite friendly on most levels. The problem with these women is that they have not been playtested. There are a lot of missing features, broken parts, and quality control is a myth. The plus side is you'll be able to talk to her about your problems in the relationship.

    The downside is that all of your problems are your fault, and all of her problems are your fault too.

    It should be noted that there are women who fall between those two mediums. Those women are what you're looking for, because they are level-headed, sensible at most times, and if you didn't see a bit of tit from time to time, you'd think they were men.


    IF YOU HAVE TWO FIRLES THOROWNF MONEY ART SUOCIDE GIRLS STRIPPER HPW CAN YPUS :OSE?!?!?!?(elcevisides).

    Actually, that's three. by greyshade (2.00 / 0) #16 Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 09:53:22 AM EST
    I have extensive experience with woman type I.  Many years of experience.  Great fun when you can manage to maintain a position in the eye of the storm.  In the long term, this option is so infeasable as to be unrealistic.  The center of the storm.... it is not stationary.

    I have only dated one woman type II.  It was rather satisfying while it lasted.

    I have found that your woman type III is actually quite fun to maintain a friendship with; but once you move into relationship territory, she is in reality a woman type I.

    I guess you were right.  There are two kinds of women.  Please disregard the title of this comment.

    "The other part of the fun is nibbling on them when they get off work." -vorheesleatherface

    [ Parent ]
    So, is it the weekend yet? | 18 comments (18 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback