Molasses Kicks Ass

Molasses can speak for herself, for the most part, but it's worth mentioning that I have felt happier and more in love with her in the past few months than I ever have been, and it seems quite reciprocal when she's not upset about our financial situation. She's a kickass girlfriend all-around, I gotta say.


Dan and Rachael

So Dan called. One day, a Friday in December, he and Rachael were talking about getting married and having a family, and were looking at rings together in a jewelry store. She spoke to her mother on the phone and told her how happy she was about it all. Next thing Dan knows on the following Monday, she stayed late after work (while he was working elsewhere) to mess around with Some Dude From Sales, and that was the end of that. He asked her not to have him walking through his life or fucking her in his bed until he got all his stuff moved out of their apartment (don't ask me how she managed to keep the apartment), which she promptly and blatantly ignored, answering the door wet in a bath towel as Some Dude From Sales was just leaving. That's our girl... at least he got his guitar out of there before it disappeared.

I still haven't seen Dan since he called me a couple months ago, but I have no problem with the idea. I understand he found a very attractive and cool art school student who thinks he's ichi-ban, so I haven't heard from him. I should probably give him a call...

Oh, and I finally told him about my k5 diary and its continuation here. Seemed like it was time he read how I dealt with losing the same girl, and it turns out it's pretty close. Isn't the circle of life fascinating? :-)


$$$

I eventually just gave up trying to find web development work, gave up trying to fix a hosting business i couldn't afford to run well enough to charge money for it, and gave in to my other talent -- sales. Years ago, I used to be an inbound telesales agent, where people call in about a product they saw or heard an ad about which didn't tell them the price, and try like hell to get their credit card out of them, for commission. It made me misanthropic, and specifically racist thanks to all that poorly-spent media focused on the deep south where credit cards are a bedtime fable at best. That was before I had a profession.

Now I'm back at it, albeit at a much more ethical establishment recently started by people that know what they're doing. I even got Molasses in there for paid phone sales training, mostly to benefit her own business. Anyway, their call volume has been a bit of a rollercoaster ride from week to week the past couple of months, and they finally just put everybody on a will-call basis from lack of calls last week. I expect this to end soon, as they are heavily invested in this place succeeding, so I'm sure it will in the long run. Unfortunately this does me no good in the short run. Yet another failed attempt at making money.

In the meantime, a friend I used to work with (who, incidentally, used to work directly with Rachael, and could never stand her) called me to see if i was available for immediate contract work and possibly hiring by a web marketing firm she closed her own business to work for. I've had two meetings with them last week that have gone very well, and expect a phone call Monday AM to talk rates and whatnot! They're even toying with the idea of paying to bring me along to a 1-day conference in Boston about which I expressed active interest during our first quasi-interview. The owner said I impressed her. I don't see anything fucking this up at least until I've got our bills caught up, and if it does, I'm going to quit "civilization" altogether and go live on a hill in Tibet and grow my own organic vegetables and meditate all the fuckin' time, k?


Depression

I had been pretty depressed for some time, between my father dying and my businesses failing (or me failing my businesses, or both), and then by discovering and in some cases merely re-discovering a very depressing chain of truths about our world that started with some serious time spent researching 9/11. At this point, i could give lectures on this subject alone and at length.

The ramifications of the controlled demolition of the towers (and building 7) and the precision orchestration of the events of the day (and resulting lawbreaking and Bill-of-Rights-gutting) leads one to some very, very dark conclusions about what's going on in our world, who is actually running it, and what they think about us.

So my depression really got worse when I remembered that, "oh yeah", things are actually much worse than they seem, and plans or predictions that were merely hypothetical have actually happened and are happening every day.

Then I was reading something on a web site while on a lunch break at a temp job back in December, and as a result of what I had read, in sudden combination with things I already knew from various periods of study in my life of various things, I had what can only be described as an epiphany. The result of which was nothing short of the immediate release from all depression, a complete spiritual re-awakening, awareness and expulsion of people in my life who served no useful purpose but to keep me firmly entrenched in the mundane world to the exclusion of all else, a renewed sense of purpose in life with specific tasks to perform and popularize as much as possible, and a new inner peace and happiness that can only come from something described by a word like "epiphany". Happiness which flows easily into my relationship, and has definitely made it much more enjoyable for both of us.


And as of this moment, I'm still broke. But now I'm broke and happy. It makes for some very frustrating conversations about money with the girl, though. Not for me, for her. I don't get worked up very easily anymore. I knew things were going to be fine, even before I scored this contracting gig. Actually, I'm optimistic about this web marketing firm giving me steady work right away, and at least for a while by every solid indication they're giving me. I'll know more tomorrow, but I expect good things in the very near future.

In some near-future diary, I'll probably try to find some way to explain about the epiphany and surrounding circumstances, and the whole sense of purpose thing, but not tonight. I'm overdue for bed, especially considering I'm expecting an important call "Monday morning", whatever she meant by that (please let it be 11 AM!)