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By R Mutt (Tue Feb 01, 2005 at 09:14:13 PM EST) (all tags)

Kids! Prepare for emergencies! And don't forget: terrorism is a scary thing [M ;)]

Courtesy of ex-Carnage4Life comes Microsoft's secret index search functionality. Stick a ! prefix in Windows Find and it actually uses the index! Or open system32\ciadv.msc, go to System -> Query the Catalog and get an advanced search page. And finally, don't forget FINDSTR [:(]

"The open-legged pants, as opposed to gathered hems, struck him as odd." More here. [:o BX]

Grauniad corner: no yob UK, drug cops to target dinner parties [:( (UK)]

Key:
[MeFi] = Stolen from Metafilter
[/.] = Stolen from Slashdot
[M] = Stolen from Memepool
[BX] = Stolen from Blogdex
[X.] = Stolen from Christdot
[)] = Stolen from Monkeyfilter
[B] = Stolen from B3ta
[[:)] = Needs sound
[:(] = Serious
[:)] = Amusing
[;)] = Ironic
[:o] = Strange
[*] = Flash
[#] = Free registration required
[NSFW] = Not Safe For Work
[NSFWFUP] = Not Safe For Work For Ultra-Prudish
[(UK)] = UK-centric
[LL] = Late or repeated link

< Attention Tallin travelled Infidels | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >

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Secrets and Lies | 34 comments (34 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback

Comment by gazbo

(4.00 / 3) #1 Tue Feb 01, 2005 at 09:55:00 PM EST

OK, that hostage link was fucking funny. No more comment needed.

"Terrorists are criminals and when they are caught they are put on trial"

I hate to sound like a liberal, but I find that pretty amusing in the context of Guantanamo.

"Engarde!" cried the larvae, huskily. - Scrymarch

Lying to children by motty

(4.00 / 1) #7 Tue Feb 01, 2005 at 11:13:46 PM EST

A tradition as old as Santa Claus...

I amd itn ecaptiaghle of drinking sthis d dar - Dr T
[ Parent ]

We haven't caught any terrorists yet by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #9 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 12:00:04 AM EST

However we have a healthy crop of Foreign Insurgents and Enemy Combatants. Real terrorists are invisible, uncatchable and unstoppable - I hear that this one time, one of them totally beat up a bunch of ninjas - and that is why the War on Tee'er is going to be so hard to win.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

I don't believe you by motty

(2.00 / 0) #11 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 12:43:13 AM EST

Either those weren't ninjas, or they weren't totally beaten up. The phrase 'totally beat up a bunch of ninjas' has about as much meaning as 'successfully uninstalled Internet Explorer'.

I'm quite sure the reason we haven't caught any tee'ists yet is that the ninjas are still working on it. Pretty soon one of the ninjas is bound to just flip out and suddenly kill all the tea'ists and the whole thing will be over and done with.

You'll note that the major news agencies have been markedly slow to pick up on this side of the story. That only adds weight to the argument.

I amd itn ecaptiaghle of drinking sthis d dar - Dr T
[ Parent ]

That's pre-9/11 thinking by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #12 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 01:01:13 AM EST

That's Cold War thinking. Did you learn nothing from American Ninja 1, 2, 3, 4, 'V' or Ninja: American Samurai? Once John Fujioka imparted the ancient secrets of ninjitsu to a generation of second rate American actors, the power of the ninja was forever broken.

Now if we could only get the tee'erists to imparts the secrets of their nefarious Improvised Explosive Devices, we could fight them on equal terms.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

I think I've spotted the fallacy here by motty

(2.00 / 0) #13 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 01:19:16 AM EST

You are asserting that the power of the ninja has been 'forever broken', when actually, as realultimatepower.net makes clear, the power of the ninja is in fact 'totally awesome'.

I don't understand where 7-11 comes into it.

I amd itn ecaptiaghle of drinking sthis d dar - Dr T
[ Parent ]

Ninja's are people too! by Breaker (4.00 / 1) #14 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 01:57:58 AM EST

Hence when they are not flying around, flipping out and totally killing things, they occasionally need to eat.

Ask yourself this by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #17 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 02:44:48 AM EST

We know three things about ninjas. How many do we know about tee'erists? One.

They hate us because of our Freedom.

One thing.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

I am not disagreeing with you by motty

(2.00 / 0) #20 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 02:52:00 AM EST

However, I would point out that tee'ee'eerists are not 'totally awesome'. That is the fundamental difference between them and ninjas.

I amd itn ecaptiaghle of drinking sthis d dar - Dr T
[ Parent ]

: That's true enough by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #30 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 09:08:36 AM EST

When we have American Taliban 1 through 'V', then maybe tee'erists will be the new ninjas, and pure white egyptian cotton will be the new black.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

Herman the Hermit Crab is my hero by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #2 Tue Feb 01, 2005 at 10:31:14 PM EST

He's mindlessly optimistic, completely dependent on third parties for protection, and when frightened by his own shadow, cowers passively in his home. He's the model 21st century USian citizen!

You know, I'd really like one of these drugs-are-baaaad types to get a proper grilling over some of the tosh that they spout:

>"the price of that cocaine is misery on the streets of London's estates [...]"

And there are a lot of alcoholics, but they've got nothing to lose, so let's solve that by prosecuting people who drink in moderation.

>"[...] and blood on the roads to Colombia and Afghanistan"

Attention Ordinary Decent Britains: it's your fault that criminals don't obey the law. You are only allowed to be addicted to nicotene, alcohol and caffeine.

>"Cocaine is a harmful drug."

Yes, gram for gram it's very nearly twice as harmful as caffeine.

>"It can cause heart problems"

Like caffeine, ask Mr The Prime Minister.

>"and other illnesses"

Like caffeine.

>"and while it is psychologically rather than physically addictive"

Unlike caffeine.

>"trying to come off can bring on anxiety attacks and associated symptoms"

Like caffeine. Plus the physiological symptoms.

This seems somehow familiar, almost as if the same issue keeps being recycled every time a new Strong Man comes into office somewhere. I wonder why.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.

Election season: doncha just love it? [nt] by R Mutt (2.00 / 0) #4 Tue Feb 01, 2005 at 10:43:10 PM EST

Need scapegoats.

[ Parent ]

: Illegal immigrants smuggle in drugs by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #5 Tue Feb 01, 2005 at 10:46:35 PM EST

And sell them to sick list dole scroungers.
Well, that's Kilroy-Silk's platform taken care of.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

help me understand by MillMan

(2.00 / 0) #18 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 02:47:42 AM EST

How declaring war on the middle class helps a Brit politician? In the US that is political suicide.

[ Parent ]

: We have an actual multi-party system by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #27 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 08:59:55 AM EST

All the reefer addicts already vote for joke parties like the Greens or Liberal Democrats, so it's safe for the real politicians to lambast them.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

Not true by ucblockhead

(2.00 / 0) #24 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 03:35:42 AM EST

When I'm coming off caffiene, the only anxiety attacks are in people forced to share a room with me.
---
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]

: Hehehehe by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #28 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 09:02:26 AM EST

You junkies are just precious.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

Cocaine by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #3 Tue Feb 01, 2005 at 10:42:07 PM EST

One aspect that has caused controversy, especially in America, is that crack cocaine users and dealers get harsher sentances than powder cocaine users and dealers even though it's the same drug, just without the bicarbonate of soda. Essentially crack is a cheaper way of ingesting cocaine, so it could be said that harsher sentances target the poor.

--------
It's political correctness gone mad!

We're catching on, slowly but surely by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #6 Tue Feb 01, 2005 at 10:57:23 PM EST

Ban cheap drinks promotions == criminalise not being wealthy.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

It's true! by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #8 Tue Feb 01, 2005 at 11:59:45 PM EST

I'm personally a bit pissed off about banning cheap drinks promotions. It is one of few government policies that affects me directly.

--------
It's political correctness gone mad!
[ Parent ]

Here's a question they should ask themselves by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #10 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 12:36:43 AM EST

If passing laws to make addicting substances more expensive is a good way of ensuring moderate, responsible non-binge use of them, then why do we still have such a problem with binge abuse of illegal drugs?

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

More questions: by ti dave (4.00 / 1) #15 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 02:12:15 AM EST

Why couldn't they stop at banning guns? Have you registered your axe yet?

I don't care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do.
The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. --W.S. Burroughs
[ Parent ]

The logic is by R Mutt (2.00 / 0) #16 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 02:18:23 AM EST

All people are good. People do bad things. Therefore the bad things must actually be the fault of something else: guns, drink, knives, drugs, whatever.

You can't stop banning things until you've achieved a perfect society.

[ Parent ]

I find their lack of trust disturbing. by ti dave (2.00 / 0) #19 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 02:49:05 AM EST

When I first learned that one can be nicked for possessing a screwdriver, I was astounded.

I don't care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do.
The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. --W.S. Burroughs
[ Parent ]

I blame Ikea by R Mutt (4.00 / 2) #21 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 02:57:00 AM EST

They secretly lobby the government to make sure the only way you can put furniture together is with their flatpacks and specialized tools.

[ Parent ]

Oh, and if you liked that one by R Mutt (4.00 / 1) #22 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 03:07:27 AM EST

The magistrate's blog is mentioning POCA. If you have money and can't prove that you got it legally, then the courts can take it away. On the balance of probabilities rather than beyond reasonable doubt, of course.

Gosh, it's nice living in this crime-free utopia.

[ Parent ]

: Oh, we've that one too. by ti dave (2.00 / 0) #23 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 03:20:11 AM EST

I wonder who instituted it? Yeah, the money itself becomes the defendant.
I don't care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do.
The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. --W.S. Burroughs
[ Parent ]
: Hey by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #25 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 03:39:17 AM EST

Can they take away your property as "evidence" upon arrest and then auction it off there, too?
---
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]

Didn't we just do this in a diary? by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #29 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 09:07:00 AM EST

The swords first, then they'll come for my axes. I can still fairly easily and legally get a shotgun through. Or a smoothbore cannon up to a 2" bore on the same license, for that matter.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

They can have my Sgian Dubh... by ti dave (2.00 / 0) #31 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 09:45:04 AM EST

when they pry it from my cold, dead hands.

I don't care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do.
The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. --W.S. Burroughs
[ Parent ]

Cold, dead sock by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #33 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 09:52:54 AM EST

Because in our politically correct socialist paradise gone mad, a knife is an exempt cultural artifact when worn in conjunction with a nauseatingly patterned skirt. For real.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

: One *must* have the means... by ti dave (2.00 / 0) #34 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 09:58:43 AM EST

to defend one's honour. Next thing you know, they'll ban the pipes.
I don't care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do.
The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. --W.S. Burroughs
[ Parent ]

If you are listing FEMA and kids by sasquatchan (2.00 / 0) #26 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 03:42:58 AM EST

you've got to recall the A tsunami has just hit FEMA Beach kids game that was yanked recently from the FEMA website (after being yanked, complints to return it, yanked a second and final time for being insensitive). (bottom half of article, and google news gives a few hits as well)

Thank TISG that John Adams thing is a fake by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #32 Wed Feb 02, 2005 at 09:46:37 AM EST

I was just about to rip open my Never Removed From Blister Pack Buffy* doll to go and rescue him.

* Not the Willow one though. I mean, I hate tee'erists as much as the next right thinking person, but there are limits.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.

Secrets and Lies | 34 comments (34 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback