Print Story Sex, lies and (no) videotape
Sex
By capybara (Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 11:13:24 PM EST) (all tags)
So last night I lied to my girlfriend while having sex.


She asked me "Am I the best you've ever had?" What are you supposed to say to that? You can't answer no whatever the truth of the matter is - I can hardly think of many ways which would get you into some serious hot water quicker. As well as just being pretty mean to the person you're having sex with. So why ask it in the first place? Only a complete idiot is going to say no, so what do you gain out of it?

Well of course I said yes. But to be honest it isn't true - sex with my ex was much better for many reasons. Now it's not like I don't have a good sex life with my current girlfriend, not at all. But to be brutally honest I was more physically attracted to my ex, she was much more fun in bed and we were just much more compatible. Of course my current girlfriend doesn't want to know any of this, and I sure as hell don't want her to either. As I said our sex life is good, it's just that with my ex it was amazing.

Of course saying that it's hard not to compare the two. But down that road leads madness, and it's something I really try hard not to do. It's often easier said than done though.

< He he he | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
Sex, lies and (no) videotape | 39 comments (39 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Heh by hulver (3.00 / 2) #1 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 11:19:35 PM EST
Nobody but a fool is going to answer that question honestly if the answer is no.
--
Cheese is not a hat. - clock
I am that fool by anonimouse (1.00 / 1) #6 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 11:50:39 PM EST
See other comment.

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
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alternatively by Merekat (3.00 / 2) #21 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 01:01:59 AM EST
Nobody ought to ask that question in the first place.

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Exactly my thought by capybara (2.00 / 1) #25 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 01:34:55 AM EST
(nt)

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Wow by gazbo (3.50 / 4) #2 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 11:20:19 PM EST
You'd better hope she never sees this diary.

I recommend always assuming 7th normal form where items in a text column are not allowed to rhyme.

Yes by capybara (2.00 / 1) #3 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 11:23:57 PM EST
That would be bad :) Thank god for plausible deniability and her ignorance of this website.

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What was her email address again? by anonimouse (1.00 / 1) #11 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 12:06:40 AM EST


Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
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Yeah, yeah. by ObviousTroll (3.33 / 3) #4 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 11:43:21 PM EST
Like you never said "No, it's six inches, really. Girls are just bad at math."


I answered that question honestly by anonimouse (2.00 / 1) #5 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 11:50:03 PM EST
to Mrs Mouse, when she asked about MusicGirl.

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
You and your topsy-turvey morals [nt] by nebbish (2.00 / 1) #7 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 11:58:46 PM EST

--------
It's political correctness gone mad!

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What was the answer, though? by Breaker (2.00 / 1) #8 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 12:01:01 AM EST
NT


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I said by anonimouse (1.00 / 1) #10 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 12:06:07 AM EST
MusicGirl was more exciting, but Mrs Mouse was easier to live with. (but phrased it more delicately)

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
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I bet she appreciated your honesty by Evil Herring (2.50 / 12) #32 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 02:22:22 AM EST
you cunt.

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Which way round was that? by capybara (3.00 / 2) #9 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 12:01:41 AM EST
I assume Mrs Mouse asked if MusicGirl was better in bed and you said yes?

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Bloody hell. by Evil Cloaked User (2.00 / 1) #12 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 12:07:17 AM EST
It's bad enough being asked who's a better kisser.

Yes by capybara (2.00 / 0) #13 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 12:11:09 AM EST
So far the whole comparitive thing has pretty much been avoided, which suited me just fine. There's different things different people do that appeal to you, but you can't really say that without it sounding like criticism.

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In my case by Evil Cloaked User (2.00 / 0) #14 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 12:19:36 AM EST
It was 2 exes asking me for a comparison of each other. They ultimately ended up using the phrase "We'll refresh your memory." Fun times.

I can imagine how it might be more awkward if I was still going out with one of them at the time.

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I had the exact smae thing by Dr H0ffm4n (2.00 / 0) #38 Mon Feb 14, 2005 at 04:02:00 AM EST
Except the two women wanted to know which had the better breasts.

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WIPO: never been asked... by bob6 (3.00 / 2) #15 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 12:20:18 AM EST
Seriously, which honest person would ask? She's begging for kinky SM stuff, isn't she?

Btw lying to her and keeping this to yourself won't improve your sexuality. Be smart: tell the truth and see if she wants to make some improvements.

Cheers.
Even smarter by anonimouse (2.00 / 1) #16 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 12:40:26 AM EST
Say she's better, but there are things your ex did that you really liked, and give her a long list of kinky stuff to perform.

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
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Tried that by capybara (1.00 / 1) #18 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 12:41:36 AM EST
She does everything my ex did already except for the one thing she absolutely won't do, more's the pity.

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No Babies [n/b] by Evil Herring (4.00 / 2) #24 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 01:33:41 AM EST


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Ah welcome to the fold capybara! by Breaker (4.00 / 2) #27 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 01:37:59 AM EST
First diary and a reference to UTBNB; I salute you Sir!


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UTBNB? by capybara (2.00 / 1) #28 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 01:40:18 AM EST


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Dump her by Evil Herring (3.33 / 3) #29 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 01:44:53 AM EST
Women go for botox, leg and "bikini line" waxing, liposuction, electrolysis but they wont do UTBNB because "it hurts".

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Hehe by capybara (2.00 / 0) #31 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 02:01:46 AM EST
Truer words have never been spoken. And if you do it properly it doesn't have to hurt really at all. Well assuming you're not hung like a donkey I guess :)

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Tell you guys what. by CrocoStimpy (2.00 / 1) #33 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 05:01:15 AM EST
Have someone do it to you, and then diarize on how it doesn't hurt at all.  The more I think about it, the more I see nothing but upside1 to you guys taking a hard one Eton style.

No way could I do that to anyone.  Just the thought of it is enough to cause a sudden massive rush of blood away from certain of my parts, as aforesaid parts then try to take refuge deep within my thorax.

1 for me.

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Actually by capybara (2.00 / 0) #34 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 06:55:31 AM EST
I've had things up there that're larger than my penis.

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Yes, by CrocoStimpy (2.00 / 0) #35 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 07:24:06 AM EST
and I'm sure I've expelled things larger than your penis.  I eat a lot of bran.

Nevertheless, your statement begs the question: are those objects still up there?

Obligatory Emo Philips joke -

Principal: "You know, I could expell you Emo!"
Emo: "You'd have to catch me and eat me first, ya weirdo!"

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No by capybara (4.00 / 1) #37 Mon Feb 14, 2005 at 02:12:05 AM EST
I wasn't talking about faeces. My point was that I wouldn't be asking my girlfriend to do something I hadn't done myself.

Nevertheless, your statement begs the question: are those objects still up there?

You seem to have an odd idea of what anal sex involves.

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Um, YHBT by CrocoStimpy (2.00 / 0) #39 Mon Feb 14, 2005 at 04:14:17 AM EST
but not intentionally.

Honestly, other than in the context of jokes, I try not to give anal sex too much thought.  It makes me queasy.  That does not mean that I disapprove of such activity, just so long as I'm not involved.

The question was inspired by a scene in Toy Story involving Mr. Potato Head and his storage hatch.  See the comments in this story, especially the comment titled "Things found up RobotSlave's Ass."

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Up the Bum No Babies by georgeha (3.00 / 2) #30 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 01:51:23 AM EST
apparently a popular UKian pickup line.

UTBNB?

Okay, your flat or mine.


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It's not quite like that by capybara (2.00 / 0) #17 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 12:40:40 AM EST
We talk about things and even last night discussed what each of us like and don't like and so on. Honestly there's no problem at all between us in that way. She's just not my ex. But sex is still improving and who knows where it'll end up in the future?

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This is an interesting question by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #19 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 12:48:15 AM EST
Which I'm going to deal with by assuming that you're a women and are talking about hot lesbo action.

-
Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
Women and laywers... by dunc (2.00 / 0) #20 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 12:55:48 AM EST
Never ask a question they don't know the answer to.

Well. there's a bright side to being relatively by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #22 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 01:17:51 AM EST
inexperienced, and drunken one night stands rarely compare well.

Marvelous way to start your husi diarizing, capybara.


Why thank you! by capybara (2.00 / 0) #26 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 01:35:43 AM EST
Compliments always welcome.

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Next time you're getting busy by thenick (4.00 / 4) #23 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 01:24:30 AM EST
Ask her who's bigger, you or her ex. Then both of you will be even.

 
----------------------------

"'Vengence is Mine', quoth Alvis. And then he shot the guy, right in the freaking face!"

Well thats one way by LinDze (3.50 / 2) #36 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 08:31:27 PM EST
You could also scream out the name of her ex. That ones always appealed to me.

-Lin Dze
Arbeit Macht Frei
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Sex, lies and (no) videotape | 39 comments (39 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback