My parents have had a large influence on my life, from an early age. I received a lot of reinforcement while I lived at home. Don't be lazy, do well at school, treat people with respect. I suppose this is quite normal, however my parents seemed exceptionally stubborn. Of course the result of this was that I was very lazy at home, and I very much loathed and detested school and everything that it stood for. Mysteriously, perhaps because I was a bit of a pussy, I did try to treat everybody with the same respect I desired. And also, I did manage to mimic their stubbornness and even surpass it.

Anyways, as a result of this, there was a painful period up until I was 21 and living at home (I lived at home while I went to university, big mistake). But I finally graduated and moved out, and have been lucky to be gainfully employed for the past 3 years. I have learned a lot, and expanded my horizons in certain ways.

I am now quite ready to pursue my own path, shed some more of the baggage bestowed upon me by my upbringing. My shyness and confidence issues have been battled to a somewhat manageable size and I think I am ready to handle some bigger problems.

Now my friends and family are for the most part small town folk. Despite growing up in a city for the most part, my family is still basically a farm family. My dilemma is a realisation that there seems to be a cognitive dissonance now between what I was raised to be (not just by my family, but by my schools and peers), and what these same people seem to expect from me now as a young adult. I feel a great deal of internal pressure to better myself intellectually and spiritually because of my past experiences, and amazingly I think I have a general plan to follow. But I am feeling a vibe of marriage, children, house, and general 'responsibility to the community' all around me. I don't see myself heading in that direction, at least not yet.

It's not that I am not lost, I feel very lost, I am just pretty content with the journey right now. I have quit my job developing software at a respectable (to some people) company and have sold my vehicle, moved my books and what's left of my possessions into storage, and await my last day of work, before I head off into the unknown.

But of course I have to now wonder, am I just becoming a pathological intellectual, shirking responsibility and built up social relationships in pursuit of a baseless dream or childhood fantasy? Am I on course to become another rolling stone?

I am sure many people come to a point like this in their lives, what do they do? Any ideas?

PS. Nice site, Hulver. I love the spell check, how civilised! goodbye zee's!