Print Story Booksigning Today!
Diary
By johnny (Sun Jul 18, 2004 at 01:03:11 AM EST) (all tags)
Cortez the Killer will be at the Lousy Infestation bookstore today, over at the
Plague Mill Mall, signing copies of his new memoir "Across the Oceans We Shall
Meet Someday (my joyous journey from genocidal killer to discount hairdresser)"
It's said that Dick Cheney is planning to sue Cortez for libel, which adds more spice
to the story. Scooby Libby, Cheney's chief cosmetologist, has issued a statement
"categorically denying" in "no uncertain terms" that Mr. Cheney or his Frozen Head
have EVAR used either Grecian Formula for Men OR (again quoting Mr. Libby) "that magnetic shit that you put in
your hair to make it look thicker."

Poll: Have you ever really loved a woman?



Out here on the back porch

It's fun to write.  That gurgling sound is the turtle-pond-fountain. One bird
is chirping "you need to, you need to, you need to," and the other is responding
"chirpity chirpity chirpity."  It's foggy and humid, and rain may come. Rosa Barks,
(of Rosalita Associates fame) is sleeping by my feet. Any moment now dear wife is
going to wake up, aks me if I would like to go with her to the church picnic today
(probably not; depends on how hungry I am by then) and to tell me to put on sunblock
and a cap to protect my balding pate.  Do you suppose Cortez the Killer ever had
to put up with such indignities?

If I had a nickel

For every time I've been a jackass, why then, I would have a lot of nickels.
Speaking of Jackasses, Younger Daughter was hanging out at the beach the other
day and Johnny Knoxville was right next to her.  Older daughter, however,
was at at party the night prior, chilling with Summer & friends, and Johnny Knoxville
was at the party. I really should be writing some Laszlo  documentation this morning; I'm
way behind the 8-ball at the so-called day job, and I did kinda mess up last week
and had to take a considerable amount of "personal" time off, which I can repay on the
Sabbath, why not. Or do you think I'll go to hell for it?

That being said. . .

I think I'll get back to work writing. Either the TechDoc stuff or the New Novel stuff
(you're gonna like this one!).  Also, I think I'll go find some sunblock and a
Kweer-with-a-Kapital-Kay cap to protect my balding pate from the harmful rays
of Helios.  I expect I'll be heading over to the Mall at around 4 this afternoon,
so if you'ld like for me to pick up a copy of Cortez's book for yz, let me know by then.

< Hot Days, Cold Job Market.... | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
Booksigning Today! | 8 comments (8 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Feh. by eann (3.00 / 0) #1 Sun Jul 18, 2004 at 01:10:36 AM EST

Cortez has a book now? Man, it's getting to where they'll let any old loser write something.

I had somethin' I was gonna ask you, but I forgot what it was. So I guess I'll ask later if I remember.


-------------
I'm not trolling here...just trying to earn my badge in the PC Police Force. —tps12
$email =~ s/0/o/;




Well, they say he has a book by johnny (3.00 / 0) #2 Sun Jul 18, 2004 at 01:15:51 AM EST
But most often he just shows up with a cutlass and lops off a few heads.  I try to steer clear of him, frankly.  I was only fibbing about going to the Mall. I hate malls. I hate 'em.

She has effectively checked out. She's an un-person of her own making. So it falls to me.--ad hoc (in the hole)
[ Parent ]

What is a mall? by Mark (3.00 / 0) #3 Sun Jul 18, 2004 at 02:16:12 AM EST
I hear so often about these things, yet never was curious enough to actually ask what they are.



What A Mall Is by CheeseburgerBrown (6.00 / 1) #4 Sun Jul 18, 2004 at 03:15:58 AM EST
A mall is a small, conical piece of fibreglass fitted into a steel housing known as a "mall halyard" which facilitates the lateral motion of the bobbin in a traditional-style Castillian nut-vice.

The cardinals of the Inquisition called it "the testifier."

Later on, of course, the name was also applied to cigarettes and open-air urban pedestrian arcades and, later even, to any labrynths of brand bordellos that has a penny-stink fountain and sky-light.


_____
I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da. We are a simple, grease-loving people who enjoy le weekend de ski.
[ Parent ]

Excellent, only might further add to by johnny (6.00 / 1) #5 Sun Jul 18, 2004 at 03:25:09 AM EST

to any labrynths of brand bordellos that has a penny-stink fountain and sky-light

sometimes serving a quasi-religious function during hte months of November-December, and gathering place for teenager "hookups".

She has effectively checked out. She's an un-person of her own making. So it falls to me.--ad hoc (in the hole)
[ Parent ]

Temples by CheeseburgerBrown (6.00 / 1) #6 Sun Jul 18, 2004 at 03:35:31 AM EST
Yeah, I forgot about the temple angle altogether. But I didn't forget about the skanks in double Avril Lavigne eye-liner hooking up with retarded-looking boys with cartoon pants. I just didn't mention it on account of the children.

We must always think of the children.

(Because, well, the children are our future.)


_____
I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da. We are a simple, grease-loving people who enjoy le weekend de ski.
[ Parent ]

But, by ambrosen (3.00 / 0) #8 Sun Jul 18, 2004 at 09:13:19 AM EST
Yeah, I forgot about the temple angle altogether. But I didn't forget about the skanks in double Avril Lavigne eye-liner hooking up with retarded-looking boys with cartoon pants. I just didn't mention it on account of the children.

We must always think of the children.

But they are the children. Sigh, must worry about them even more now.

[ Parent ]

Hola. by blixco (6.00 / 1) #7 Sun Jul 18, 2004 at 05:47:42 AM EST
I am familiar with Cortez, though in New Mexico we called him Don Juan de Onate.  You have the imagine the ~ over the N, because I am not a code guy.

I walk on the backs of the massacred.  I only wish I had something more to show for it.
---------------------------------
Journeying through the world
To and fro, to and fro
Cultivating a small field.
-basho


Booksigning Today! | 8 comments (8 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback