I'll waive my usual fee.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.

Do it.

Fucking do it.

You are suffering stress, that much is obvious. The symptoms are eerily like the ones I had when I was coming to the end of my time in AUia, with serious money worries and the prospect of having to leave the country and GF.

In the short term, you need to talk to someone. It's really important. It's the best way to relieve the building pressure a bit. If you really can't talk with people you know, let me know and I'll give you my email address.

Long term you need to come to terms with what's stressing you. That can be easy once you get over the hump or hard work for longer, depending on what the problems are, but it must be done.

First doc was probably looking at your symptoms (and situation) and decided they were consistent with depression.  That doesn't mean you're "fucked in the head," just that your brain chemistry is a little out of whack and could probably use some nudging.  It really burns me up when people say shit like "fucked in the head" because it perpetuates the stigma associated with mental illness.  The brain is an organ, just like anything else in your body, and it can be sick, just like anything else in your body.

Having said that, we've no way of knowing if that doc was right unless you're willing to try.  You gave another doc a chance, and he came up with a similar diagnosis.  You've got to admit that maybe they're on to something.  You're not losing sleep because you broke your foot; the problem is in your head, and they're trying to help you get it sorted out.

To that end, therapy is also a potential option.  It's someone to talk to who you don't have to worry about any other interpersonal relationships getting in the way.  They're not going to tell your friends (or anyone else for that matter) what you've said, what you're feeling, etc.  Tell your doctor you're uncomfortable with medicines (that's a legitimate opinion), and that you'd like to try therapy.  He/she can give you a referral if that's what your insurance company requires.

And don't give up if you don't like the first therapist.  It's a funny sort of professional relationship, and it may take a couple tries to get one you can really feel comfortable with.

One more thing: RogerBorg's suggestion is pretty good, too.  :)

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I'm not trolling here...just trying to earn my badge in the PC Police Force. —tps12
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"There's really only one sexually related thing I'm good at: Producing incredibly volumous amounts of spooge on a regular basis." - ni