May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.

Must not taunt the French any more.

Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.

Must never call an SAS a 'Wanker'.

Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.

Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.

Not allowed to quote 'Full Metal Jacket ' at the rifle range.

There are no evil clowns living under my bed.

May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.

I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.

Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.

Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.

`I'm drunk' is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.

I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.

The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light batteries.

'A full magazine and some privacy' is not the way to help a potential suicide.

Shouldn't take incriminating photos of my chain of command.

Shouldn't use Photoshop to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.

NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration."