Let's see.  Your house?  Main Street Grill?  Lower 45th Street?  Your sister's house?  Dallas?  San Louis Obispo?  Iceland?  Tokyo?  Mike's Hotdog Stand?  Hollywood and Vine?  The backseat of a 1968 Dodge Dart? A baby's stomach? Gabon? New York? Florida? Scottsdale? San Francisco? The Agean? Greenland? The steppes? Moscow Jim's? Ralph's Chadwick Square Diner? The Ford Motor Company offices in Michigan? Utah? Canada? The Dead Sea? Iraq? Kuwait? Egypt? Gaza? Under any large body of water? India? Between the thighs of a dark-skinned beauty? Mars? The first class lounge of a transatlantic 747? Behind a gun? Manhattan, Kansas? Sonora? Bahia de Kino? Costa Rica? Angel Falls? The Danube? The Italian Alps? The plains of eastern Siberia? The Yellow River? North Korea? The United Nations supply depot in Lima? Anywhere near the Azores? The lesser Antilles? The greater Antilles? The South China Sea? The inside of a telephone building? Under a sweaty cheerleader? Odessa? Idaho? The western foothills of the rockies? Quebec?

The reason I ask

I was wondering if I could borrow your alarm clock.  Mine is on the fritz, and I have a very important meeting first thing tomorrow morning.

The Travelling Cryptographers

There were these three travelling cryptographers: one Jew, one Catholic, and one American.  They are on vacation driving across Africa when their car starts to make a funny noise. 
"Omdoc fosdib!" exclaims the Jewish cryptographer, which is code for 'something seems to be wrong with the car!' 
"Nasdaq dogflip," replies the catholic cryptographer, which is code for 'indeed, the car does sound as though it may be broken.' 
"Why yes, I could use comprehensive life insurance," says the American cryptographer, obviously not understanding the code.  The two other cryptographers look at each other with weary smirks; the entire trip had been like this, so they are used to it.  The jewish cryptographer says "nytlip binzop flimhap" which was code for 'there's a farmhouse just down the road, let's walk there and get help.'  The two others agree, wiht the American adding "weapons of mass destruction are a problem in modern Iraq," again, not quite with the program.

They arrive at the farmhouse, a large two story brick and wood affair with a huge barn and a small wooden shed.  The catholic cryptographer knocks on the door, which is made of blonde ashwood and is painted a deep blue.  The farmer, a white haired man in his sixties, answers the door.  "Can I help y'all out?"

"Nimflip gosdrup," says the jewish cryptographer, which is code for 'Our car broke down and we need a place to stay for the night.'
"Osmolene grasslap," says the catholic cryptographer, which means 'We will gladly pay for a night's stay.'
"Our dog floats," says the American, still not at all with the code.  The farmer looks at them, puzzled and confused, but gleans from their strange mannerisms and unusual dress that they must be stranded motorists in need of a place to stay.  He points to the barn.  "Y'all can stay in the barn for the night if you wish," he says, "but I have one rule that you must abide: you must keep your hands off of my nubile 18 year old virginal daughter."
The three men nod vigorously in agreement.  "Hanseb binflap," says the Jewish cryptographer, which is code for 'Thank you for your kindness.'
"Monset oxnib," says the Catholic cryptographer, which is code for 'we will not touch your daughter.'
"I would love to manage the train schedules," says the American, still not at all getting the code.

The three cyrptographers bed down for the night in the hayloft, bid one another goodnight, and fall promptly to sleep.  At two in the morning, they are awaken by the farmer's daughter, who has snuck out of her house barefoot and climbed up the ladder to the hayloft.  The jewish cryptographer says "Omnlib pontifex!" which is code for 'Get our of here!  Your father will kill us!'
The catholic cryptographer is about to plead with her to leave when the farmer bursts down the door, leaps up the ladder, and starts waving his shotgun around wildly.  In doing this, he knocks out his daughter and the jewish cryptographer.  He points the shotgun at the catholic cryptographer and screams at him "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!?"
The catholic cruptographer says "Jamlick hinesdarb!" which means 'nothing at all!' in code, then faints from fear.  The farmer points the gun at the American cryptographer.
"What the hell did he say?" asks the farmer.
"We screwed your ugly daughter!" says the American.

What does it all mean?!?

I'm still not sure, but here's my archives.