In my last diary, I mentioned that my grandfather has acquired a 7-year-old dog (named Freckles - gah) to keep him company in the vast emptiness of his house. I think this is a good thing. However, my grandfather is 87 years old, and there is a better than average chance that he will predecease Freckles.

I worry about this for two reasons. First, the poor dog has already lost his first person through death, and I don't want him to feel abandoned again. My Teh Dawg was abandoned at least twice before I got her (and for a week at a time, I'd occasionally "abandon" her at my mom's house). She still has issues six years later, and cries mournfully when I leave her somewhere. I don't want Freckles to feel that way.

The second reason I'll discuss momentarily.

The week my mom told me she is dying, I only saw her cry twice - once when my brother P. started crying and once when she was worrying about what would happen to her Jack Russell when she was gone. I reassured her on that point - I'm happy to take Rusti if I need to. I won't give her to strangers, I'll take great care of her, and I'll try to fill the void I'm sure my mom's absence will leave.

I really don't want my mom to die before Rusti.

Teh Dawg is enough for me. I'm much more of a cat person than a dog person, and though I love my dog and my mom's dog, I don't really want another canine living in my house. I also will not allow these dogs to be abandoned entirely. If I don't take one or both of them, then it would only be because one of my brothers insisted that they wanted the dog.

I worry, though, that this bit of practicality is crass in the face of my grandfather's age and my mom's cancer. What kind of person thinks, "Oh please, just hang on until after your dog is gone"? Somehow, this feels worse than mentally dividing up the assets. Why should my mom and grandfather, in the midst of their pain or old age, have to deal also with the loss of a pet?

Right after ana and I got home from the grocery store and liquor store today, the phone rang. I groaned. I didn't feel like talking to anybody, and the phone is rarely for ana. When the caller id informed me it was my youngest brother, though, I answered. I hadn't talked to him in a couple of months, and I miss him. Also, he usually only calls when he has something to tell me, a thesis statement of sorts to guide the course of our conversation. I've never been one of those people who just likes to chat on the phone.

His news today is that, at the age of 23, he is moving out of my mom's house. While this should be excellent news, I worry. J does a lot for my mom and my grandfather, in the midst of working full-time as a police officer and contracting with the local ISP in his copious free time. I worry about my mom being there alone, but I'm happy for J.

The house he's renting is old, built in the early 1900s, but it's in reasonably good shape, he claims, and it comes with a washer/dryer, fridge, dining room table, dishwasher, and central heat and air. Three bedrooms, 1 1/2 bath, and 8 1/2 acres of land. For $450/month. His ability to find deals like this one borders on the supernatural.

The other part of his news is why he's renting the house. "I wanted to get a place and get settled in before JC and I get married." LOLWHAT? He and his girlfriend (whose name, inconveniently for my purposes, begins with a J) have been dating for just over a year. She is not quite 19 years old. She's very sweet, in that rural North Carolina sort of way, and her parents adore J. But marriage? They don't even know who they are yet. And they still won't by the planned wedding date of May, 2007.

J was 10 years old when I left home for college, and in a lot of ways, I have a hard time seeing him as a man. Not just a man, but a good man who has his head on straight. I'm trying very hard not to become my mother in this situation. I don't want extend a cloud of negativity the way my mom does when confronted with her children's relationships. Still, though. I worry.

I do hope he asks me to be a groomsman if they actually do get married. I think I'd look great in a tux. I'm going to have to put my foot down if I have to be a bridesmaid though. I can't even imagine what sort of taffeta and tulle creation would emerge from JC's mom's sewing machine.