Print Story What I'd like to see in the next Star Trek franchise...
Sci-Fi
By NoMoreNicksLeft (Tue Feb 28, 2006 at 09:08:26 PM EST) star trek, scifi, klingons, paramount, svg (all tags)
I gave Enterprise every concievable chance. I waited, watching it until the third season. There are some that say it improved right at the end, but even I couldn't stomach it long enough to watch those episodes. And, is it unfair to say maybe the compliments were only possible in contrast to the steaming pile that was the sum of Enterprise up to that point?

The two people most responsible for flushing Star Trek down the toilet are Rick Berman and Brannon Braga. If they had an ounce of sense...



They could do a break from everything Star Trek has been up to now. Star Trek isn't Babylon 5, and it can't be B5. It can't be Firefly, or any of the other science fiction that we've seen and liked, either. Of course, those two idiots probably can't manage anything other than the turd soup that they keep churning out.

My idea is simple: Fuck the Federation. Its story is old and turgid, it's too eurosocialist for anyone to really care. I like Picard, but can you truly say you weren't hoping that the Cardassians would come along and wipe the whole fucking quadrant out? They could have ended the entire series with Picard in the dungeon, being tortured again by Gul Madred for the rest of his (hopefully) short life (there are 5 lights!).

Anyway, no one would go for something with such a sad ending, even if I would like it personally. Better to come up with a non-shitty story that everyone can like. And what better than the klingons for that?

I don't have a title. But here's the idea. We follow a bird of prey crewed by what is the sorriest lot of warriors in the empire. The show would have its comedic elements, but in a subtle, not-often campy way. It would be entirely in klingon, with english subtitles (except when they are interacting with the Federation).

All the other klingons that they'd interact would be rather blunt in showing their disrespect for them... and everyone else besides. One imagines them encountering the Enterprise, only to have Riker turning to his 1st officer Worf and saying "these are the worst klingons I've ever had the misfortune to cross paths with" (or something to that effect) and Worf responding with a growl "they don't grow them like they used to".

One episode, they might go on the equivalent of a galactic beer run (romulan ale?). Others, they'd be stuck with all the shit jobs that no one else wanted. Their comedic nemesis would naturally be the Ferengis, who would make appearances quite often. What better use of the ill-concieved Ferengi (looking for gold, and laser whips??!?) than that? Of course, the heroes would always be the klingons themselves, even if they only accidentally manage to thwart the Ferengis with their bumbling.

The theme song? Who other than Stovokor, the band featured prominently in the Trekkies documentaries? Finally, we could forget the travesty that was the last frantic caterwauling of a trapped and dying animal.

Alas, we are at the mercy of two ijits who claim to not even understand science fiction, and are proud of that sad fact.

[Offtopic note:] Check out the latest 3d rendering svg stuff. Draggable in all directions, with rotation sort of working!

Full discussion: http://www.hulver.com/scoop/story/2006/2/28/21826/7389