Rudeness level?

Too rude   0 votes - 0 %
Rude enough   6 votes - 75 %
Insufficiently rude   2 votes - 25 %
 
8 Total Votes
Like it! by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #1 Thu Oct 20, 2011 at 05:31:35 AM EST
I can see the influence of your cultural interests in this - a bit of Jerome K Jerome, a bit of Dr Faustus - and it's very play-like. Dialogue heavy fiction is very difficult so well done!

--------
It's political correctness gone mad!

Thanks! by TheophileEscargot (4.00 / 1) #2 Thu Oct 20, 2011 at 06:19:33 AM EST
It's mostly just a thin excuse for a goat-shagging joke though.
--
It is unlikely that the good of a snail should reside in its shell: so is it likely that the good of a man should?
[ Parent ]
Nice by TPD (2.00 / 0) #3 Thu Oct 20, 2011 at 07:01:28 AM EST
"A foam of curling light blonde hair cascaded downwards like a fountain laced with Fairy Liquid"

This line is genius, sir! Story is good, wraps up neatly and is extremely well told (though for some reason the "willy" line really bugs me)
.



why sit, when you can sit and swivel with The Ab-SwivellerTM
Willy by hulver (2.00 / 0) #4 Thu Oct 20, 2011 at 08:18:58 AM EST
That stood out to me as well (phnar) as the work just didn't seem to fit.
--
Cheese is not a hat. - clock
[ Parent ]
Nobody wants my willy :-( by TheophileEscargot (2.00 / 0) #5 Thu Oct 20, 2011 at 08:50:47 AM EST
Any suggestions to improve the line?
--
It is unlikely that the good of a snail should reside in its shell: so is it likely that the good of a man should?
[ Parent ]
I think penis works quite well by hulver (2.00 / 0) #6 Thu Oct 20, 2011 at 09:17:44 AM EST
Or cock. Or organ.
--
Cheese is not a hat. - clock
[ Parent ]
Member by TPD (2.00 / 0) #8 Thu Oct 20, 2011 at 12:28:19 PM EST
 

why sit, when you can sit and swivel with The Ab-SwivellerTM
[ Parent ]
engorged member by hulver (2.00 / 0) #9 Thu Oct 20, 2011 at 03:42:35 PM EST

--
Cheese is not a hat. - clock
[ Parent ]
maybe you should set up your own mini wfc by TPD (2.00 / 0) #7 Thu Oct 20, 2011 at 12:27:55 PM EST
(willy fun challenge) to come up with the best replacement line....

failing that doesn't HuSi need a new front page poll?  

why sit, when you can sit and swivel with The Ab-SwivellerTM
[ Parent ]
Good story by hulver (2.00 / 0) #10 Thu Oct 20, 2011 at 03:46:54 PM EST
I enjoyed that.
--
Cheese is not a hat. - clock