Hulver's site || Worst movie ever ........

Worst movie ever ........

Hackers	3 votes - 5 %
Glitter	3 votes - 5 %
Who's Your Caddy?	1 vote - 1 %
Showgirls	8 votes - 15 %
Battlefield Earth	13 votes - 25 %
I Know What You Did Last Summer	1 vote - 1 %
Army of Darkness	0 votes - 0 %
Under Siege	0 votes - 0 %
Slither	0 votes - 0 %
Flesh Gordon	3 votes - 5 %
Blade	2 votes - 3 %
Cat People	2 votes - 3 %
Hercules	1 vote - 1 %
The Scarlet Letter	2 votes - 3 %
WIPO	13 votes - 25 %

52 Total Votes

Worst movie ever ........ | 62 comments

WIPO by kwsNI (2.00 / 0) #1 Wed Feb 13, 2008 at 05:55:17 PM EST

Gigi

You mean Gigli? by ad hoc (2.00 / 0) #40 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 08:30:43 AM EST

Gigi wasn't bad.
--
The three things that make a diamond also make a waffle.
[ Parent ]

: Yeah by kwsNI (2.00 / 0) #44 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 10:00:05 AM EST

I type well, I swear

[ Parent ]

WIPO: by atreides (4.00 / 3) #2 Wed Feb 13, 2008 at 06:49:59 PM EST

Manos: the Hands of Fate

I was unlucky enough to see this movie before MST3K got their hands on it. It, without MSTing, truly is Deeeeeep Hurrrrtiiing.

_{He sails from world to world in a flying tomb, serving gods who eat hope.}

Back in the day, by muchagecko (4.00 / 1) #3 Wed Feb 13, 2008 at 07:30:48 PM EST

I was a huge MST3K fan. But Manos was pretty rough even with their treatment.

"It means more if you have to earn it, even if it's by doing something as simple as eating a meal." Kellnerin
[ Parent ]

This by barooo (2.00 / 0) #24 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 11:37:19 AM EST

"It's the haunting Torgo Theme"

"The m-m-m-m-master wouldn't like that"

I like how they apologize for the movie being so bad it's out of bounds even for them. Althought I've heard that if you see a full cut that doesn't have the theater seat silhouettes at the bottom, one piece of the movie makes more sense: Torgo has hooves, which explains the weird way he walks.

[ Parent ]

: This is true. by atreides (2.00 / 0) #26 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 11:58:41 AM EST

I'd walk funny too if I was half goat...
_{He sails from world to world in a flying tomb, serving gods who eat hope.}
[ Parent ]

WIPO by yicky yacky (2.00 / 0) #4 Wed Feb 13, 2008 at 07:59:42 PM EST

Fight Club
----
24 days left ...

: fact by dev trash (4.00 / 2) #55 Sat Feb 16, 2008 at 06:06:18 PM EST

No movie with Meatloaf is bad.

--
Click
[ Parent ]

Which Cat People? by Christopher Robin was Murdered (2.00 / 0) #5 Wed Feb 13, 2008 at 08:32:37 PM EST

1942 or 1982?

1982 by me0w (2.00 / 0) #6 Wed Feb 13, 2008 at 09:04:01 PM EST

"There's really only one sexually related thing I'm good at: Producing incredibly volumous amounts of spooge on a regular basis." - ni
[ Parent ]

Confession by anonimouse (4.00 / 1) #10 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 04:47:08 AM EST

I liked that movie, especially the Georgio Moroder soundtrack (plus D. Bowie)

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
[ Parent ]

And some people like being peed on. by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 1) #14 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 08:02:11 AM EST

There's no accountin' for taste.

[ Parent ]

It had Nastassja Kinski! by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #20 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 10:42:29 AM EST

Earth First!
_{(We can strip mine the rest later.)}
[ Parent ]

And was written by Alan Ormsby! by Christopher Robin was Murdered (2.00 / 0) #21 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 11:01:45 AM EST

The man who also penned the second, third, and fourth installments in the Class of 1984 rip-off franchise The Substitute. (I want you to ponder what it means to a cheap knock of The Class of 1984 and then carry out that QC decay through three iterations.)

[ Parent ]

It had dialogue? by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #22 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 11:18:10 AM EST

I wasn't paying attention to that.

Earth First!
_{(We can strip mine the rest later.)}
[ Parent ]

: Yeah. by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 1) #23 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 11:26:44 AM EST

It was porno grade chatter between "hot" scenes that never got to the level of porno grade skankiness.
In his book Et Tu, Babe, Mark Leyner proposes that minor felonies could be punished by making people watch endless tapes of the "narrative" non-sex bits of porn films. I imagine that, in Leyner's imagined future, people who tamper with the mail and such are forced to watch Cat People.

[ Parent ]

WIPO: by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #7 Wed Feb 13, 2008 at 09:29:17 PM EST

Ishtar

Irony: ammo says it's time. Tom is blocked.

WIPOs by FlightTest (4.00 / 3) #8 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 12:49:08 AM EST

Escape from L.A.

Moulin Rouge

: Escape from L.A: seconded by anonimouse (4.00 / 2) #11 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 04:48:25 AM EST

The movie that managed to converted Escape from New York from a classic to a B-Movie.
Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
[ Parent ]

WIPO: Ultraviolet or Balls of Fury by theboz (4.00 / 1) #9 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 01:06:38 AM EST

- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n

: Ultraviolet by blixco (2.00 / 0) #49 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 01:11:37 PM EST

is truly, truly awful. Terrible. Seriously horrible.
They even managed to CGI Milla up so badly that she is both 1) alien looking and 2) as expressive as a video game character in the 1990s.
---------------------------------
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]

Worst I've seen by Merekat (4.00 / 2) #12 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 05:45:37 AM EST

Alexander. 3 hours of my life I'll never get back.

wipo: Event Horizon by johnny (4.00 / 1) #13 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 07:30:46 AM EST

teh badness is compounded by the fact that the title is cool and the premise should have made for a great movie. I have a friend who says it's his favorite movie. I watched it with my whole family, and we turned it off about 20 minutes from the end. O of 5 liked it, a rare occurrence.
Buy my books, dammit!

Seems to me like by Christopher Robin was Murdered (2.00 / 0) #15 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 08:28:37 AM EST

Showgirls, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Under Seige, Flesh Gordon, and Blade are sorta automatically out of the running because they all had sequels. In such cases, the original can at least claim that it wasn't a crappy sequel to a crappy film. This means that the lousy original has it one up against at least one other film out there. Thus, not the worst.

Here's my criteria by garlic (2.00 / 0) #38 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 08:09:23 AM EST

Bad movies -- easy to make. But the ones you don't like are the ones you are tricked somehow into watching. As a teenager when it came out, the nc-17 rating of showgirls was what got me to watch it. I turned it off before I saw anything deserving that rating because I was so bored.

[ Parent ]

: Ah, a sense of betrayal. by Christopher Robin was Murdered (2.00 / 0) #42 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 08:35:49 AM EST

I've got a handful of flicks that I'd rank as crap based almost entirely on the fact that they seemed to have got my ass in the seat through a bait and switch.
In fact, while I voted for one of the flicks listed (because I've got this bizarre notion that when poll makers take the time to really give you considered options, then it is polite to take their options and not WIPO - it makes no sense, it's just a weird thing about me), the flick I'd probably really list as the worst film I'd ever seen is a film that gave me the one-two punch of 1) the bait and switch and 2) plain old crappy film making.

[ Parent ]

It's a trick. by DullTrev (4.00 / 7) #16 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 08:39:51 AM EST

Get an axe.

I can't believe you have put Army of Darkness in this list. It is a jewel in the crown of cinema, a shining example of the perfection that can be created by humanity.

My name is Ash, and I am a slave.

--
DFJ?

WIPO by Phage (4.00 / 1) #17 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 09:26:06 AM EST

Blue Lagoon....obviously.

Founder member Golgafrinchan 'B' Ark

Eraserhead by codemonkey uk (3.33 / 3) #18 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 09:45:11 AM EST

Its a bit like going to a gig, but the band didn't show up, except the lead singer. And he just stands on stage and crys. For 2 hours.

--- Thad ---
developer of ... ?

WIPO: Anything with Ninja in the title by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #19 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 10:06:46 AM EST

Nick Fury: Agent of Shield would win out, but fortunately Hasselhoff turns it into a comedy by playing it straight.

-
Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.

I already by barooo (4.00 / 1) #25 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 11:39:55 AM EST

uprated the "Manos: the hands of fate" comment, but I have to throw in a real WIPO for Night of 1000 Cats. ZOMGTWELVE1!.

WIPO: The Matrix. by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #27 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 12:05:12 PM EST

Or all three of them, together.

Also, why the hell is Army of Darkness on this list of crap? Oh, my bad; joke option.

-
You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.

Two and Three weren't that bad .. by me0w (2.00 / 0) #39 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 08:24:36 AM EST

Monica Bellucci was in them.

Her hotness made up for the sucking.

"There's really only one sexually related thing I'm good at: Producing incredibly volumous amounts of spooge on a regular basis." - ni
[ Parent ]

: I refuse to rise to the bait by DullTrev (4.00 / 2) #45 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 10:25:46 AM EST

of "Monica Bellucci", "hotness" and "sucking". You won't trick me like that, me0w!

--
DFJ?
[ Parent ]
: They weren't that good, either. by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #48 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 11:27:20 AM EST

Earth First!
_{(We can strip mine the rest later.)}
[ Parent ]

For your viewing pleasure... by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #28 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 12:11:41 PM EST

Frogs!.

Kingdom of the Spiders. Lots of bugs, bad writing, worse plot, and it's Shatneriffic!

Earth First!
_{(We can strip mine the rest later.)}

: Night of the Lepus. ! by Phage (4.00 / 1) #30 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 12:36:49 PM EST

Founder member Golgafrinchan 'B' Ark
[ Parent ]

WIPO: Crash by spacejack (4.00 / 2) #29 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 12:12:21 PM EST

I really wish I could erase erase that moviegoing experience. Also, Magnolia. And King Kong.

I suppose there are worse movies, but those sting because I paid for them.

You rippin' on Maggie? by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #35 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 12:55:46 AM EST

Irony: ammo says it's time. Tom is blocked.
[ Parent ]

Which Crash? by blixco (2.00 / 0) #50 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 01:13:39 PM EST

The six hour long epic about LA, or the crazy sex flick directed by Cronenberg?
---------------------------------
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]

The epic by spacejack (4.00 / 1) #51 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 01:52:55 PM EST

I'd have a hard time arguing that Cronenberg's movie was any good either, but you kind of had to know what you were in for with a movie about sex & car crashes.

[ Parent ]

: Kind of had to know by blixco (4.00 / 1) #52 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 01:56:26 PM EST

what you were in for, but is anyone psychically prepared to see Holly Hunter get fisted by Elias Koteas?
---------------------------------
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]

Dudes. by blixco (4.00 / 2) #31 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 06:17:33 PM EST

Hackers is a brilliant spoof of the new york hacking scene of the mid 90s. They had a lot of the local 2600 crew on staff as consultants, for fuck sake. Plus, whats-er-name was topless for a fraction of a second.

Showgirls is in my own personal bottom two movies of all time acid test. If I think a movie is bad, I say to myself "is it worse than Showgirls?" If it is, then I go to my number one, the worst movie of all time:

Lawnmower Man Two: Jobes War which is, I swear to you, the worst movie with a budget over 1 million bucks ever made, ever. Battlefield Earth is fine fucking cinema compared to LMM2. This is the movie with one line that sums the whole thing up: two children who are helping fight Jobe in Cyberspace yell out to their sheepdog from the VR world "Sparkey! Get the cyber cycle disk!" and the dog barks once, then picks up a disk and drop it in a drive, barks again, and goes off to die of shame.

Sparky! Get the cybercycle disk!

Lawn Mower Man 2 is used to interrogate enemy combatants. It is listed in the FISA "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques" next to Love American Style reruns.

Also, Army of Darkness is precisely what it was trying to be. You can't fault a movie that is trying to be a bad movie, and ends up yet another cult classic bad movie.
---------------------------------
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin

Also, by blixco (4.00 / 1) #33 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 09:41:11 PM EST

I'd like to add Across the Universe to the list.

It manages to denigrate the 60s, the Vietnam war, activism, youth, the Beatles, musicals, and popular culture, all while being a serious movie.

Worst crap ever.
---------------------------------
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]

OMG by Phage (2.00 / 0) #36 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 03:20:40 AM EST

They made a sequel ? LMM2 ?

Founder member Golgafrinchan 'B' Ark
[ Parent ]

: Yep. by blixco (4.00 / 1) #37 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 07:57:52 AM EST

And it should have been Lawn MOwer Man 2: Electric Boogaloo, but now it is called Lawn Mower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace. When it came out it was LMM2: Jobe's War.
---------------------------------
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]

I hate Lawnmower Man 1 and 2 for differing reasons by dev trash (4.00 / 1) #58 Sun Feb 17, 2008 at 02:30:34 PM EST

NOTHIN LIKE THE KING book.

--
Click
[ Parent ]

Hackers by dark nowhere (4.00 / 1) #61 Mon Feb 18, 2008 at 07:37:37 PM EST

was awesome. Penn Jillette's role made me smile. He used to write the back page article in PC/Computing with a kind of BOFH attitude. (He also made it a point to use "goddamn" once in every article. (Even the time he pretended that they made him stop using that goddamn word.))

It was pretty great for the savvy folks, and for those who weren't, well they probably enjoyed it at face value to some extent.

I am not your dupe account.
[ Parent ]

one more wipo by alprazolam (2.00 / 0) #32 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 06:18:06 PM EST

[City of Angels] absurd and terrible on all accounts. Nick Cage at his absolute worst. My buddy and I suffered through this movie before the girl we were seeing it with suggested we walk out about 5 minutes before the ending.

Can you enlighten me? by Merekat (4.00 / 1) #41 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 08:32:20 AM EST

What is Nicholas Cage for? Even when he doesn't utterly ruin a film by simply being Nicholas Cage, you can still think of a few people who would have done a better job.

[ Parent ]

in some ways he is awesome by alprazolam (2.00 / 0) #46 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 11:00:35 AM EST

he's the best in the world at making a character that should be intelligent and capable seem utterly clueless and confused, while staying totally believable the entire time. it works really really well in some roles. you have to kinda alter the plot and direction of the movie in your own head to make it match his character, but thats not really hard for me to do.

[ Parent ]

IAWTP by ad hoc (4.00 / 1) #47 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 11:18:21 AM EST

I think his best was probably Raising Arizona.

"I'll take these Huggies and whatever cash ya got."
--
The three things that make a diamond also make a waffle.
[ Parent ]

: For the same reson, he was good in by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #60 Mon Feb 18, 2008 at 01:49:54 PM EST

Matchstick Men. Boy talk about being clueless while supposedly not being clueless...
~
There is absolutely no correlation or causation amongst intelligence, power, talent and wealth.
Kha-Nyou
[ Parent ]

It's All About Love by duxup (2.00 / 0) #34 Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 10:31:59 PM EST

http://imdb.com/title/tt0273689/

I'm drawn to Clarie Danes like... well a lot but damn... horrible film.
____

It's a long list by ad hoc (2.00 / 0) #43 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 08:41:24 AM EST

but just off the top of my head...

Lost in Space
Pink Flamingos
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
O Fantasma
Harvie Krumpet

--
The three things that make a diamond also make a waffle.

: Just for the record. by Pasofol (2.00 / 0) #54 Sat Feb 16, 2008 at 07:48:55 AM EST

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, the cartoons as a kid were quite funny.

[ Parent ]

WIPO by aphrael (2.00 / 0) #53 Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 05:01:28 PM EST

Event Horizon

If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.

Showgirls is OK by Herring (2.00 / 0) #56 Sat Feb 16, 2008 at 07:35:24 PM EST

If you watch it with the sound off and fast-forward through the bits without tits.

I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. - Bill Bailey

WIPO by Hulvers great uncle (2.00 / 0) #57 Sun Feb 17, 2008 at 09:53:59 AM EST

Mission to Mars.... now I must scrub my brain!

Missing Poll Option: by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #59 Mon Feb 18, 2008 at 01:33:24 PM EST

One Million Years B. C. (1966)

Despite having Raquel Welch in one of the hottest outfits I've ever seen on her or anyone else. I was eight when I saw this as part of a double feature including 2001: A Space Odyssey. And you all wonder why I'm so messed up...
~
There is absolutely no correlation or causation amongst intelligence, power, talent and wealth.
Kha-Nyou

: IAWTP by Phage (2.00 / 0) #62 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 07:05:47 AM EST

Rrrrrrrr...

Founder member Golgafrinchan 'B' Ark
[ Parent ]

Worst movie ever ........ | 62 comments


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