Hulver's site || New Career?

New Career?

The stereotypical starving artist route, only without talent.	0 votes - 0 %
Arcane Collector of Secrets (or.. crossword puzzles completed by "famous" people.. you know.. whatever)	1 vote - 14 %
That guy in the cafeteria who makes omelettes all day.	0 votes - 0 %
Seriously.. he has chef training and all he does is make omelettes all day.	0 votes - 0 %
I kind of envy him just a little.	0 votes - 0 %
He is of some hard, simple, and undeniable use.	0 votes - 0 %
Like a corkscrew.. or a horseshoe	0 votes - 0 %
Threepenny Magician	0 votes - 0 %
Drunkard	1 vote - 14 %
Jackanape	0 votes - 0 %
Randy servitor to all The Ladies	0 votes - 0 %
Foppish Rake	0 votes - 0 %
Scurrilous Rogue	1 vote - 14 %
The Last Straw	0 votes - 0 %
Boy who cries wolf the loudeest	0 votes - 0 %
Professional Eating Contest Guy	0 votes - 0 %
"The Plywood Automaton" (I think I'm already this one actually)	0 votes - 0 %
Have I ever mentioned how I find eating contests both wondrous and horrific?	0 votes - 0 %
Seriously.. it's like watching a circus made up of reanimated babies fucking	1 vote - 14 %
Just so wrong and decadent, but at the same time entertaining in every sense of the word	0 votes - 0 %
"Hey timmy, I know you're starving but watch this guy eat 60 hot dogs in 3 minutes!"	0 votes - 0 %
HOORAY!	0 votes - 0 %
Anyway, I'll be okay	0 votes - 0 %
Oh, Serendipity is hip to me.	2 votes - 28 %
Trust the Fuckhead.	1 vote - 14 %

7 Total Votes

Another View of My Monthly Review Today | 24 comments (24 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback

A classic Volkswagen Beetle will solve all your by georgeha (4.00 / 2) #1 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 11:26:39 AM EST

problems.

They run forever, are cheap to fix, and are air cooled, so you can get rid of all that anti-freeze you have lying around in old Tanqueray bottles.

Heh.. by MisterQueue (2.00 / 0) #2 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 11:32:01 AM EST

My Dad watched a girl he knew burn to death trapped in one of those. He reached toward the window to get her out just as the flames shot up blew out the window in his face. He, once, described to me how he could almost make out her facial features engulfed in flame as she sat there knocked out from her head hitting the windshield.

I imagine, in that moment, the powerlessness he felt dwarfed mine and I co-opt his memory quite a bit.

Not anything against the car mind you... I'm just saying.

-Q
--------------
It shone, pale as bone,
As I stood there alone.
[ Parent ]

: Ack!!!! by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #15 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 12:43:35 PM EST

What a trigger.
How about something safer, like an air cooled motorcycle?

[ Parent ]

Quite frankly ... by me0w (4.00 / 1) #3 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 11:34:49 AM EST

Just jerk off on all of them.

"There's really only one sexually related thing I'm good at: Producing incredibly volumous amounts of spooge on a regular basis." - ni

That only works for a little while. by MisterQueue (2.00 / 0) #4 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 11:36:10 AM EST

-Q
--------------
It shone, pale as bone,
As I stood there alone.
[ Parent ]

But it never gets boring. by me0w (4.00 / 1) #6 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 12:01:02 PM EST

"There's really only one sexually related thing I'm good at: Producing incredibly volumous amounts of spooge on a regular basis." - ni
[ Parent ]

Yeah by MisterQueue (2.00 / 0) #7 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 12:02:37 PM EST

but the RSI is a killer.

-Q
--------------
It shone, pale as bone,
As I stood there alone.
[ Parent ]

Luckily I know how to treat that. by me0w (4.00 / 1) #9 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 12:07:56 PM EST

"There's really only one sexually related thing I'm good at: Producing incredibly volumous amounts of spooge on a regular basis." - ni
[ Parent ]

: I don't trust you or your electrodes by MisterQueue (2.00 / 0) #10 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 12:11:04 PM EST

you'll just try and hook me up to a car battery again.
No, clearly what I need is some elderly, rich woman who wants me to stand in the corner and be amusing for her benefit, and who, by nature, will leave me her vast wealth when she passes that I may live the rest of my days like the puckish rogue that I am.
Or you know... grow up. But who the fuck wants that shit?
-Q
--------------
It shone, pale as bone,
As I stood there alone.
[ Parent ]

Job Opportunity by superdiva (4.00 / 2) #5 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 11:58:47 AM EST

I have a stack of essays discussing State control of the female body via Brave New World. I have 45 of them. How about I send them to you, you read them, and then write "Fuckmonkey" in place of grade?

I'll pay $20 buck an essay.

_________________________________________________
Psych-E.org

That may be by MisterQueue (4.00 / 1) #8 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 12:04:09 PM EST

the most lucrative job offer I've ever been granted based upon output/return matrix. However, I'm a bit concerned that "Fuckmonkey" might get co-opted by students trying to make an impression on future teachers in this case.

-Q
--------------
It shone, pale as bone,
As I stood there alone.
[ Parent ]

Get your Master's Degree... by superdiva (4.00 / 1) #11 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 12:12:01 PM EST

It would only take 2 years or less. After you get your Master's degree in English, you can teach at a community college starting off with 50K for an 8-month contract with spring and summers off, if you want.

You also work a 20-hour work week: 12 hours teaching, 8 hours in the office. I spend one week a out of month grading papers, so $20 bucks a paper is my actual compensation for the task.

You may now commence your usual lead-paint taunting. <cough>

_________________________________________________
Psych-E.org
[ Parent ]

: I very rarely quote myself by MisterQueue (4.00 / 1) #12 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 12:14:49 PM EST

(That is a lie)
"I love learning what I love learning. I'm picky."
Anyhow, I was planning on hitting up a class or two on a whim anyway sometime soon (where soon=whenever the hell I find my motivation.. I think I left it near my dignity so if anyone out there sees it lying bloody and quivering on the side of the road gimme a jingle)
Still, you know.. there's that I guess.
-Q
--------------
It shone, pale as bone,
As I stood there alone.
[ Parent ]

Liars and fakers by sasquatchan (4.00 / 1) #13 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 12:36:44 PM EST

just tell your boss you want his job.

: Heh.. but I don't by MisterQueue (4.00 / 1) #14 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 12:38:34 PM EST

the little taste of management I had once left a really really bad taste in my mouth. In fact, I think it so scarred me that I have never been the same since.
One day they will find me in my basement staring off into space and mumbling darkened verses in tongues which people can no longer comprehend and it will all be the fault of the year or so I spent in management.
-Q
--------------
It shone, pale as bone,
As I stood there alone.
[ Parent ]

Whoa. by terpia (4.00 / 2) #16 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 04:59:24 PM EST

I have lots of concerns, I just don't think what goes on here has much to do with me, and thus do not care. I'm concerned that I'm a corporate whore. I'm concerned that my job is to pretent that I'm "adding value". I'm concerned that I am unwilling to change. I'm concerned that if my car breaks down I won't be able to afford a new one to make the long drive to work because I can't afford to live in the upper-middle white flight area where my office is located some 15 minutes away. I'm concerned that one day I'll drink rubbing alcohol on a whim while drunk. I'm concerned that some days I feel completely numb and I blame not just the office, but myself as well for being stuck in a rut. I am concerned that I don't find things as funny as I once did. I am concerned that my entire career has been based off of luck and an innate ability to make an encyclopedia of random nodes in my head which I have used to get by for years while at the same time my mind/body degrades as I hit 30 soon. I am concerned that the sun will implode forming a black hole and suckling all of us into it's nethering teat. I'm concerned that it won't. I'm concerned that I actually list this as a concern.

You got that right. Echoes or shadows, who knows.

As for the existentialist monastery, let me know if you find or open one. I'll even live on the couch if I could find peace. For the record, these days I consider myself an agnostice existential deist (with guilt issues). But that should be no surprise.

Regarding your jobby job situation, I feel for you.

----
I hope you like the pork in Cuba, traitor.. -theantix

Yeah well.. the job is my own fault by MisterQueue (2.00 / 0) #19 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 06:29:49 PM EST

well mine and capitalisms, but I digress.

Upon further reflection I think they already have Existentialist monasteries of a sort, but they're usually called Bars or Strip Clubs... or alternately Convention Centers.. it just costs a rr'l rr'l lot to stay there indefinitely.

-Q
--------------
It shone, pale as bone,
As I stood there alone.
[ Parent ]

: I think bars and clubs are like... by terpia (4.00 / 1) #24 Thu Oct 19, 2006 at 11:27:29 AM EST

the summer-bible-camp for people like us. Not quite a monastery, but a necessary (and expensive) retreat nonetheless.
----
I hope you like the pork in Cuba, traitor.. -theantix
[ Parent ]

just wait by alprazolam (4.00 / 1) #17 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 05:03:47 PM EST

it gets better.

how old are you anyway?

28 by MisterQueue (2.00 / 0) #18 Wed Oct 18, 2006 at 06:28:30 PM EST

29 on the Ides of March soon coming.

-Q
--------------
It shone, pale as bone,
As I stood there alone.
[ Parent ]

you by alprazolam (4.00 / 1) #20 Thu Oct 19, 2006 at 12:35:59 AM EST

are about 4 months older than i.

i had to double check on my calculator, because it just sounded sooo old.

[ Parent ]

: Yeah.. by MisterQueue (4.00 / 1) #22 Thu Oct 19, 2006 at 07:08:29 AM EST

so don't go tellin' me it gets worse... I get to tell you.
Oh by the way.. it gets worse.
-Q
--------------
It shone, pale as bone,
As I stood there alone.
[ Parent ]

jesus by MillMan (4.00 / 1) #21 Thu Oct 19, 2006 at 01:58:31 AM EST

I read your name as "mistergoat" and I was all like "since when did the goat get all introspective?"

Anyway yeah quit your cube job and post photos of you building houses or somesuch so I have an example to go by.

When I'm imprisoned as an enemy combatant, will you blog about it?

: Yeah... by MisterQueue (2.00 / 0) #23 Thu Oct 19, 2006 at 07:11:07 AM EST

I'm gonna join Jimmy Carter and do Habitat for Humanity. (Actually I've considered doing just this very thing as a sideline, but for one reason or another it's never worked out.)
At this point I'm seriously reconsidering my lighthousekeeper aspirations.
-Q
--------------
It shone, pale as bone,
As I stood there alone.
[ Parent ]

Another View of My Monthly Review Today | 24 comments (24 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback


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