Hulver's site || Marriage:

Marriage:

yes	12 votes - 70 %
no	10 votes - 58 %

17 Total Votes

We tried to do it secretly | 52 comments (52 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback

Missing Poll Option: by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #1 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 09:16:12 AM EST

Never again.

~
There is absolutely no correlation or causation amongst intelligence, power, talent and wealth.
Kha-Nyou

I had a few problems by blixco (2.00 / 0) #2 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 09:17:59 AM EST

with this diary. My poll was only partially picked up, and i have some formatting issues and the inevitable fucked-up typo. How I long for editing privs, again.

But I'd rather have a secure site than editing ability.
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

Peace in our time ... by BlueOregon (4.00 / 1) #3 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 09:26:25 AM EST

... I bet you support that, as well.

Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.

Give me editing ability or give me death.

_
"The german quoting guy is a little bit out there." (fleece)
[ Parent ]

Software, thankfully, by blixco (4.00 / 1) #4 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 09:27:03 AM EST

isn't democracy.
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

That's because ... by BlueOregon (4.00 / 1) #5 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 09:31:19 AM EST

... it is not the tyranny of the masses, but rather the tyranny of the classes, objects, and methods.

Daemonocracy rather the Democracy. Economic slavery through outsourcing to cronjobs. It's the royalist influence on this site—they don't have a real constitution, after all.

_
"The german quoting guy is a little bit out there." (fleece)
[ Parent ]

I'm a big fan of militant monarchies. by blixco (4.00 / 1) #6 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 09:33:26 AM EST

Strict memory management, process killing when things get out of control, above-superuser rights to shoot down threads when they gfet out of hand.

Yeah. Absolute power corrupts. And I dig it.
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

: as in ... by BlueOregon (4.00 / 2) #9 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 09:46:46 AM EST

... you are the root of all evil.
Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Ignorance is not only bliss, it is essential for a non-corrupt state, for if you are not with stupid, you are against stupid.
_
"The german quoting guy is a little bit out there." (fleece)
[ Parent ]

regarding the wedding and such ... by BlueOregon (4.00 / 1) #8 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 09:37:04 AM EST

... city parks with pavillions, ice rinks, and the like work nicely, depending on weather, crowd size, etc.

The former, for a couple friends, was a good idea because one family was religious, the other not, so they mimicked a 'traditional' xtian wedding by having an enclosure with two rows, etc., a justice-of-the-peace type who dressed enough like a minister, and vows from Plato's Symposium (on love) ... pleased everybody.

If I ever marry but do not do the screw-it-all-just-elope thing (which other friends have done ... in Vegas), the above-described-event would serve as a nice inspiration. In my experience, overly-thought-out-and-designed weddings are doomed to certain types of failure.

_
"The german quoting guy is a little bit out there." (fleece)
[ Parent ]

You missed the part by paperdoll (4.00 / 2) #7 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 09:36:39 AM EST

where I make Laurea 3 different dresses before she stops changing her mind on what she wants, and buys something. I make myself 2 different matron of honor dreses before she chooses one. Plus halfway through decorating the wedding cake Laurea decides she wants a different flavor so I had to bake another one. Don't even get me started on the flowers.

: Yeah, by blixco (4.00 / 1) #12 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 09:55:11 AM EST

the bride's side of things is still a mystery to me. I just handled the site, the vows, the menu, the guestlist, the invites, the cash and the judge.
Oh, and the alcohol.
The one really amazing thing about that wedding, it was the first time in many years my entire family was together in one place. Many of the family from El Paso, they got invites and were surprised. They thought, see, that I was part of all the family infighting and feuding. So they get this invite and get all misty eyed and show up like, wow, how magnanimous and I'm just "hey, how're you doing?" and not at all aware of the trouble. They had a great time, and I got to see all of my cousins one last time.
There are still a few that I haven't seen since then. Ten years. I wouldn't recognize 'em.
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

We got married in an Aunt's backyard by cam (4.00 / 3) #10 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 09:52:14 AM EST

with about 15 people in attendance. The next day we held a BBQ and invited about 60 people. It was great fun.

cam
Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic

Isn't it the best? by blixco (4.00 / 2) #13 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 09:57:39 AM EST

The Backyard BBQ as Wedding is just great. Unless you have a bunch of stuffed shirts attending.

Ours was great, and it was due mainly to the people involved. My family all showed up, paperdoll did 70 percent of the bridal work and 100 percent of the baking, her now ex did the BBQ-ing, and all I had to do was commit myself to someone I absolutely love to death, then drink.
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

Yep the backyard wedding got thunderstormed by cam (4.00 / 1) #18 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 10:36:51 AM EST

out and we had to quickly run inside and do the ceremony. It is memorable because the celebrant got nervous and skipped the whole "I do" part for my wife. So I said, "I do" and she didnt. When I do something she doesnt like I get reminded, "Hey you married me, I didnt marry you!".

Awesome.

We told people not to bring presents/gifts, and instead bring a plate of food. People still brought presents, but it was made clear it was not expected and the thing we wanted most from them was their company.

We had a good wedding weekend. To be serious it set our reltionship up, and our long-term relationship with our family. We occasionly have a laugh about how the ceremony wasnt perfect. We established that our marriage was going to be no fuss. We effectively announced to our family that what we treasure most is our relationship with them, not money, not gifts etc.

So all in all, that weekend helped formalise our relationship with each other and how we, as a couple, will interact in the future with out family.

It was good. I think we did right. That style is not for everyone, or every family. But it was perfect for us and our family.

cam
Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic
[ Parent ]

We didn't want gifts by blixco (4.00 / 1) #22 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 11:10:48 AM EST

and people brought them, or brought money. I think we asked for cash from people who insisted on gifts because we were dead broke and moving across the country in a week or so.

My friend Gabe, who was this 18 year old kid, gave us like $500. Gordon and his family gave us like $500. We got cash. Seriously. And it saved our asses, enabled us to move to Massachusetts and eat for a month until i found a job.

Add to that the wedding support from paperdoll and from her and Laurea's mom, and, well, it was just good.

Those huge weddings, I always feel so insulated from the celebration. It's like: here's these layers of ceremony. Don't touch the bride.
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

: It is cool by cam (4.00 / 1) #25 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 11:29:17 AM EST

when it is a case of, "We want you to have this" as opposed to; "What do they want from their Macys wedding gift list?"
cam
Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic
[ Parent ]

Vegas weddings are great by theboz (4.00 / 2) #11 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 09:54:13 AM EST

They are easy, you can have fun, and they are either as cheesy as you want, or as serious and formal as you want. You have a lot more choice in Las Vegas.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n

I like 'em by blixco (2.00 / 0) #27 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 11:31:49 AM EST

I just think they're funny. My dad got married (after living in sin for something like seven years) in Vegas at an Elvis chapel. Damn fine time. Short lived marriage, though.
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

Not all are like that by theboz (4.00 / 1) #37 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 03:03:26 PM EST

My wife and I got married at the Paris Las Vegas, and it was really elegant and involved no Elvis impersonators or Star Trek people. The great thing about Vegas is that there is something for everyone.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n
[ Parent ]

You got married by blixco (2.00 / 0) #38 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 03:05:03 PM EST

at a simulacra of a montage of someone's take of Paris.

That is, by the way, infinitely better than actually going to Paris and getting married...because Paris, for all the art and history and whatnot, is filled with two things: Frenchmen and dog poop.

I kid. Vegas weddings are perfectly reasonable, but the funny ones are funny. You don't see very much in the way of funny weddings anywhere else.
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

Actually I disagree on one point by theboz (4.00 / 1) #39 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 03:16:30 PM EST

You don't see very much in the way of funny weddings anywhere else.

Church of Christ. Go to one of their weddings. They suck so horribly that it's funny. No booze, no dancing, and no women with dresses above the ankle.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n
[ Parent ]

: baptist. by garlic (4.00 / 1) #49 Thu Jul 27, 2006 at 07:28:19 PM EST

no booze, no dancing, no short skirts, and since it was my cousin's wedding, I got stuck washing dishes after the reception.

[ Parent ]

What if by MrPlough (4.00 / 1) #14 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 10:15:51 AM EST

My Parents aren't lawyers?
No work.

They aren't? by blixco (2.00 / 0) #24 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 11:16:41 AM EST

Are they, what do they call them in the UK and Hong Kong...are they solicitors? I mean, isn't everyone related to a lawyer?
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

: I call them by MrPlough (4.00 / 1) #44 Thu Jul 27, 2006 at 05:11:46 AM EST

Expensive.
My mum told me that solicitors had "a license to print money" when I was a kid. For some reason I took this to mean that they had gigantic money printing machines in their offices.
No work.
[ Parent ]

We had a backyard wedding by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #15 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 10:22:54 AM EST

very low key, about 18 people, lots of fun.

alternate method by 256 (4.00 / 2) #16 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 10:23:45 AM EST

go to your local tattoo parlor.
get your wedding bands tattooed on without telling anyone you are doing so.
rent the community centre in your home town for a saturday night.
book 3 local punk bands and enlist your brother in law as a DJ.
invite all your friends and family. insist that they come.
might as well put up posters at the local high school well you're at it.
get everybody from your ex-grilfriends to your grandmother fabulously drunk.
ensure everyone has a fantastic time.
use the money from drink tickets to pay the bands.
hey, there's like $300 left over after we've already givent he bands more than we promised them.
designate it tequila funds and take off to mexico.
years later, when your family asks: "when are you guys going to get married?" show them the ring and say: "we did. you were there. remember?"

---
_{I don't think anyone's ever really died from smoking. --ni}

Dude. by blixco (2.00 / 0) #23 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 11:13:02 AM EST

That sounds like fun! I think DIY is definitely the way to go. Very punk.
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

long live DIY indeed by 256 (4.00 / 1) #28 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 11:38:06 AM EST

i think we're the only people i know who made a net profit on their weddings.

and no stress. none.

of course it helped that we didn't want to get the state involved. the last thing we need is my terrible credit rating affecting misslake's spotless one.
---
_{I don't think anyone's ever really died from smoking. --ni}
[ Parent ]

We made out like bandidos. by blixco (2.00 / 0) #30 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 11:45:31 AM EST

Netted a huge profit. Enough to move two broke poor people across the country. Worked out well, all without solicitation of moneys.

In re: getting the state involved, it helped Laurea for school loans etc., so that worked out. Plus now when i die, she gets a huge payday.
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

added benefit by 256 (4.00 / 1) #34 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 12:13:25 PM EST

is that i feel free to refer to misslake as my "wife," "girlfriend," or "lover" depending on who i'm talking to.

---
_{I don't think anyone's ever really died from smoking. --ni}
[ Parent ]

: That's handy by skippy (4.00 / 1) #41 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 04:30:57 PM EST

Over a year later, I still sometimes refer to my wife as "my girlfriend". Then I get in all kinds of trouble...

[ Parent ]

we pretty much followed by johnny (4.00 / 1) #17 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 10:28:01 AM EST

Blixco's formula. Officiant was a Justice of Peace who was legal counsel at my father's company. Ceremony was in parent's back yard. Which, the weather being beautiful that day, was an excellent setting. The invites were hand-drawn and printed at local printer and included a misspelling but did NOT include actual time of the ceremony.

To further add to the informality of the event we added in Dear Wife's being five months along with Older Daughter.

The entertainment was my (late) Uncle Bill, a tenor, serenading us with "Danny Boy" and similar, mostly Scottish, ballads. The caterer was my mother and the menu was roast turkey. Flowers were from my mother's garden. There was, however, a traditional wedding cake, which was made by an actual baker.

It was a very happy day for me and I think it was also a happy day for Dear Wife. In any event it seems to have worked, inasmuch as we still hang out together and seem to like each other as we approach our 26th anniversary.

Notable "white trash" moment was when my friend Mike passed out and was carried upstairs by his brother, his father, and two of my brothers, where he was deposited on a bed to sleep it off. This was shortly after he was seen to be gnawing on a turkey drumstick, with most of the turkey still attached. My mother was angry about that. She said, "That Mike! He only came to get drunk. As soon as he arrived he asked me for coffee with whiskey in it!" So I explained to her the exculpatory explanation: "Mom, he was tripping and was only using alcohol to try to come down."

The wedding was in West Hartford, CT, where some weeks earlier we had obtained the license and gotten blood tests. After which we drove to Indiana for Betty's divorce. This was quite a memorable scenario. In a dark, wood-panelled courtroom with ceilings enormously high there was a judge, a clerk, Betty and me. The husband was in Switzerland, where he had been for the prior 2.5 years. The drama came when Betty was asked if she was pregnant, and said "no," which was a lie. So maybe her divorce was not legal and she's polyandrous and our marriage is void. If so, please don't tell anybody.

In general this is a path that I would recommend for the hopeless romantics out there like me and Blixco. The chief downside has been monogamy, which Dear Wife still thinks is a good thing. I gotta admit, it does simplify things. But, hey, come on, give me a break. A guy is still a guy, what, what? Alas, I'm now old, bald and ugly, whereas then I was young and handsome. So I think I have kinda missed the boat on that one.

Here is how we got there, kinda: one day, when we were in grad school and hanging out with each other an awful lot, she announced: "Last night I got rid of all my boyfriends. Today you get rid of all your girlfriends. From now on it's just me and you."

I said, "Couldn't we have talked about this first?"

She said, "No point. It's obvious that this is where we're going. So just do it, OK?"

I said, "OK." Now, the sad part of that tale is that I had only recently, at age 26, discovered that it was not very difficult to get laid, and I had several girlfriends. But what the heck. I said "OK" because because I really had a mad crush on Betty, and besides, I knew that if I said "OK" that we would spend the rest of the day fucking instead of talking about "relationships". So, you see? There now. That's how it begins.
Buy my books, dammit!

Plus 1, etc. by blixco (2.00 / 0) #21 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 11:07:41 AM EST

Monogamy has been good to me. But I've never been a fan of short-term flings. I do, however, really like to flirt.

Also, thanks for the comment. Twenty six years! Wow!
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

: they don't tell everything, by garlic (4.00 / 1) #50 Thu Jul 27, 2006 at 07:33:16 PM EST

but I think 256 and misslake have this marriage with flirting allowed thing down.

[ Parent ]

Item 4 by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #19 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 10:38:02 AM EST

Do the reception potluck. When friends of mine who were poor got married, that's what they did. Everyone brings a dish and a wedding gift.

The bride assigned the potluck dishes. The couple was registered at a local department store and requested useful gifts, not tchotchkes.(sp?)

Earth First!
_{(We can strip mine the rest later.)}

Wow by The Fool (4.00 / 1) #20 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 11:03:31 AM EST

Remarkably similar to my own wedding, except you missed the part where your parents refuse to come to your wedding because God smites those who get married outside their own special church.

: Heh by Phage (2.00 / 0) #26 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 11:31:24 AM EST

My half-sister was the only member of my family to show.
Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
Personally I recommend the Registry Office, followed by enormous barbecue.

The Czar of Accounting. No Nit Too Small To Pick
[ Parent ]

Exact Opposite by jimgon (4.00 / 1) #29 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 11:41:16 AM EST

We did a church wedding (Baptist you Papist dogs) with a full reception at a hall. Very traditional. My in-laws paid for the reception. Total for the whole affair was something like $5k that we really didn't have. Our honeymoon was a wedding gift from a group of our friends.

I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in my family not married by a JP in a hundred years.

Silly believer. by blixco (4.00 / 1) #31 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 11:46:24 AM EST

There is a lot to be said about creating a tradition where there aren't any; it's a refreshing thing.
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

: Hey now by jimgon (4.00 / 1) #32 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 11:59:59 AM EST

I managed to get a Baptist minister to strike any mention of god from my portion of the ceremony. Kita is still pissed about that after twelve years.

[ Parent ]

We... by ana (4.00 / 2) #33 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 12:06:01 PM EST

did something similar ([anglo-]catholic, you baptist dog). There's something to be said for the "this is how we do weddings here" thing.

Can you introspect out loud? --CRwM
[ Parent ]

The tradition and pomp by jimgon (4.00 / 1) #35 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 12:14:31 PM EST

I think there's something material in having a church wedding. It makes a pronouncement before everyone present. We're serious about this thing. Maybe it's my religious youth painting my current views, but it is very important to me.

[ Parent ]

: Yeah, zackly. by ana (4.00 / 3) #36 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 12:48:28 PM EST

After our wedding, complete with incense and lots of pomp and circumstance, one of the guests (wndl?) said, "You guys are, like, really married!" Which was, of course, the whole point.
Can you introspect out loud? --CRwM
[ Parent ]

my wedding by aphrael (4.00 / 1) #40 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 03:18:22 PM EST

which I have yet to write about --- largely because the emotion of the weekend is SO bound up in $BEST_MAN's heart attack, which I haven't finished emotionally processing, that I can't bring myself to do it --- came in under $10,000.

the ceremony venue was a clearing on a hill in a city park. we had to reserve it, and we had to pay a refundable cleaning deposit. it was gorgeous; everyone really liked the site.
the reception was in a private room in a restaurant that jared's family loves. it came in unexpectedly low.
one of jared's family members kindly cleared the bar tab in the middle of the evening.
pictures were done by a friend of ours who is into amateur photography. (also, $BEST_MAN's wife, which made me eternally grateful that she came at all).
we wanted, and had, no flowers.
the most expensive thing aside from dinner was the wedding cake.
the second most expensive thing aside from dinner was dress shoes. :)

If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.

That was a great day my friend. by grendel (4.00 / 1) #42 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 09:51:13 PM EST

Though if someone hadn't taken my lighter away, it would have likely been more conspicuous. I had the barrel of oily rags, old fireworks and turnips all set up... I think someone paid her off to get my fire.

When K and I got married, it was pretty small. I did what I could to fight the flood, but it grew to twice what I'd hoped for regardless.

Goddamn man, it's amazing. You and Doc so for so long now. Good thing.

: Thks! by blixco (4.00 / 1) #43 Wed Jul 26, 2006 at 09:52:55 PM EST

Makes me happy that you were there.
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

think vegas. by clock (4.00 / 1) #45 Thu Jul 27, 2006 at 12:34:51 PM EST

think early september (hopefully labor day).

think the most beautiful woman i've ever seen standing next to me.

think clock finally does it right.

_{Clock is right. [nt] --vorheesleatherface}

I will by blixco (4.00 / 1) #46 Thu Jul 27, 2006 at 01:56:05 PM EST

light the sky with furious hope and best wishes!
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

: greatly appreciated. by clock (4.00 / 1) #48 Thu Jul 27, 2006 at 03:38:10 PM EST

we'll be on your side of the republic before too long. we'll make some things right.

_{Clock is right. [nt] --vorheesleatherface}

[ Parent ]

a yard would be easier by LilFlightTest (4.00 / 1) #47 Thu Jul 27, 2006 at 03:29:57 PM EST

but i want a winter wedding, damnit.
---------
Dance On, Gir!

A wedding on your own terms... by Audrey II (4.00 / 1) #51 Thu Jul 27, 2006 at 10:50:06 PM EST

is fantastic.

Our friends and family were so wonderful with their support and assistance, it was not just something for the two of us, it was for everyone.
And I was happy we were able to find the perfect balance between the traditional and hippie. :)

That was 15 yrs ago this Sept...damn.

Congrats on your relationship, you two have been through a lot and each challenge just brings you closer.
To quote from my Grandfather's toast at our wedding "...may you stay together for 100 years. Or at least 50."

I have by Kellnerin (4.00 / 1) #52 Fri Jul 28, 2006 at 12:34:45 PM EST

been so utterly slammed this week that I've only had time to read a little and write much less. I've been to all sorts of weddings, indoors, outdoors, churches, hotels, on a college campus next to the radio antenna, and whatnot. The great thing about weddings is that there's no one way, and there's no universal Right Way. Two things you need:

The right person standing across from you when you need to repeat after someone, and
everything around you being something that the guests look at and say, "That's so you!"

That's all. Much of what we got right for our wedding was by accident, except for Part 1, above. That's very us.

Cheers to you and the doc.

--
"later" meant either "when you walk around the corner" or "oatmeal."

We tried to do it secretly | 52 comments (52 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback


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