Hulver's site || Lost!

Lost!

Yes	2 votes - 66 %
No	1 vote - 33 %

3 Total Votes

Take my word for what it is. | 21 comments (21 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback

If you don't look like Pitt or Bloom by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 6) #1 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 08:49:56 AM EST

Just add the following step to the meeting process:

... take her face in your hands, cover it with a chloroform-soaked cloth, and look her right in the eyes.

Some of the best, most-sellable lyrics come from teen angst. God bless teen angst. And god bless teenagers for buying other people's teen angst!

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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.

roofies, by sasquatchan (4.00 / 4) #2 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 10:10:55 AM EST

or GHB.. My god, man. We have modern chemistry now. None of this clumsy Sherlockian chloroform.

[ Parent ]

Delivery Issues by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 4) #6 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 10:23:22 AM EST

While modern pharmaceuticals have added a layer of finesse to modern courtship, there are some issues with the delivery of pill-based or powder-based ingestible aphrodisiacs that are still easily circumvented by the "brute force" approach of forced gaseous inhalants. That's why chloroform is a timeless classic!

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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

: Disapointing facts: by ni (4.00 / 2) #16 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 12:43:22 PM EST

It's actually shockingly difficult to make a person pass out using chloroform (without their cooperation, at least). It requires they inhale impractically huge amounts of it. Even if you do manage, you're probably going to end up killing them, because chloroform has a crazy-low therapeutic index.
Having trouble tracking down references, but wikipedia alludes to it in in the "Chloroform in pop culture" section.

Think metahistorically, act locally. -- CheeseburgerBrown
[ Parent ]

If I could open my arms... by 606 (4.00 / 1) #12 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 11:57:07 AM EST

Wide enough for the isle of Manhatten
I'd bring it to where you are
Making a lake of the east river and Hudson

:'-)

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imagine dancing banana here
[ Parent ]

Is that a little tear in your eye? by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #15 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 12:04:25 PM EST

Awwwwwwwww! Nothing I love more than someone crying!

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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

: i'm crying from the sheer beauty by 606 (4.00 / 1) #17 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 12:48:54 PM EST

[nt]

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imagine dancing banana here
[ Parent ]

What happens when people get that train? by ambrosen (4.00 / 2) #3 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 10:14:46 AM EST

Well, I guess they lead a life that's just as happy, but maybe just a little too ordinary. Maybe extraordinary people need some stories. And you are a person with stories.

Still, if it had worked out, you could have married someone clever, unlike your actual dumbass wife.

Er, ;)

No regrets now, by blixco (4.00 / 1) #7 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 10:37:06 AM EST

just a story. One more in a limited stream.

Deana and I would never have lasted, anyhow. It would have burned itself out too quick, and we'd have ended violently.
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

More regrets if you'd have gone up and kissed her, by ambrosen (4.00 / 1) #20 Wed Mar 22, 2006 at 09:50:10 AM EST

well, at least in that case.

Well, that's my excuse for keeping still keeping my iron in the fire while it goes out. (And yes, it is the same iron I was all excited about last summer when she was first in the fire (overstretched metaphor alert.))

The flippancy of my grandparent comment was under the influence of pain and discomfort. Obviously, I assumed your wife's mental acuity was beyond reproach, otherwise I wouldn't have teased. I hope no offence was caused.

The way our experiences affect us is a very odd thing. I think that's reasonably uncontroversial. Not regret or relief, per se, because neither of those inform your view on life, but something in between. The things that seemed so intense then are no longer. At least, you can remember the intensity, but you can no longer feel it. Ofttimes, you can no longer understand it, but the better you understand, the better you are.

So life goes on.

I think this post would have been excusable if I were stoned. As it is, well, it may be nice if I distill it later.

[ Parent ]

: +1 by blixco (2.00 / 0) #21 Wed Mar 22, 2006 at 09:52:45 AM EST

In re: grandparent comment, no offense was taken. In re: all else, I think you have a subject there for your next diary entry....
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

you simply walk up to her... by wiredog (4.00 / 2) #4 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 10:15:46 AM EST

, you take her face in your hands, and you look her right in the eyes. ... Then slowly lean forward and kiss her, gently, on the lips. When you lean back, let your hands drop lightly to her neck, and then let go, but never take your eyes off of her.

And, if you're in Texas or other parts of USistan, pray she isn't carrying a concealed weapon with which she can deal properly with weirdos who do that sort of thing.

Earth First!
_{(We can strip mine the rest later.)}

Dude, by blixco (4.00 / 1) #8 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 10:37:56 AM EST

you don't just walk up to anyone and do this. Weirdo.
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

But you said by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #9 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 10:40:11 AM EST

"When you want to meet the right girl" Meet. As in, she doesn't know you, nor you her.

Earth First!
_{(We can strip mine the rest later.)}
[ Parent ]

: Goddamn, by blixco (2.00 / 0) #10 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 10:44:02 AM EST

look: I hate having to explain myself. Assume I am incorrect.
Her is not a generic term here. It is Her, as in that one female you'd like to X where X is anything from spend my life with to have sex with to kiss once passionately.
And if there is a Her, odds are she's at least peripherally aware of your existance and if she isn't then you're either a pathetic dolt or a stalker. And no matter what, see, you get what's coming to you.
See?
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

Good story. by lb008d (4.00 / 3) #5 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 10:22:26 AM EST

Reminds me of this:

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

<Insert Fake Orgasm Here> {n/t} by Improbus (4.00 / 3) #11 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 11:03:57 AM EST

If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, the meal was cooked a long time ago. --- Oma Desala
[ Parent ]

I'll have by blixco (4.00 / 1) #14 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 12:00:30 PM EST

what you're having.
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]

: Sorry Dude by Improbus (4.00 / 1) #18 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 01:00:42 PM EST

I ran out last Friday. :(

If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, the meal was cooked a long time ago. --- Oma Desala
[ Parent ]

Oh I know that feeling... by 606 (4.00 / 2) #13 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 11:59:37 AM EST

[nt]

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imagine dancing banana here

It doesn't feel like Spring in Colorado. by grendel (4.00 / 1) #19 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 06:55:29 PM EST

It does in my pants though. I'm half distracted, at least half, with it. Of all the seasonal changes, this one gets me the most. Y'know once I tried:
When you want to meet the right girl, you simply walk up to her, you take her face in your hands, and you look her right in the eyes. Say nothing, just absorb what she is feeling. Then slowly lean forward and kiss her, gently, on the lips. When you lean back, let your hands drop lightly to her neck, and then let go, but never take your eyes off of her.
It didn't work out too well. It was fun while it lasted though. Of course, I look about as much like one of those guys as I look like an electric can opener.

I remember Deana, I ran into her at Nellie's right before she left for Portland. She was always fun.

Take my word for what it is. | 21 comments (21 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback


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