Best Irish joke punchline!

The O'Malley twins are getting drunk again   3 votes - 20 %
No one's died, I just quit drinking   1 vote - 6 %
a potato and a six pack   1 vote - 6 %
He kissed his wife and beat his shovel   1 vote - 6 %
He was Miles, from Dublin   0 votes - 0 %
Faith, and there must be someone sic inside   1 vote - 6 %
He came out three times to pee   1 vote - 6 %
Paddy O'Furniture   2 votes - 13 %
SPIT IT OUT!!! SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARAD!!!"   1 vote - 6 %
"Just give me another two bottles like this one".   1 vote - 6 %
thats was the barman on the phone calling to say you left your wheel chair there.   1 vote - 6 %
WIPO   2 votes - 13 %
15 Total Votes
canuckistan money by sasquatchan (2.00 / 0) #1 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 07:01:56 AM EST
you know, I used to make jokes about what it's really worth in $us, but, alas, the exchange rate ain't 100 $cdn:: 0.66 $us like it used to be. It's not quite 1:1, but getting closer..

When I was a youth, the family went to by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #4 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 07:05:22 AM EST
Canada, and the Canadian dollar was worth more than the US one. The way things are going, I might have a gold mine in my pocket soon.

[ Parent ]
Cash by ad hoc (2.00 / 0) #2 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 07:02:16 AM EST
Store clerks always glare at me when I make them give me real money. Save those aluminium 25 "cent" pieces for someone else.

Also, can't you just lick the terminals to test the voltage?
Close friendships and a private room can offer most of the things love does.

I haven't calibrated my tongue in years by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #3 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 07:04:21 AM EST
I doubt I could differentiate between 9 and 12 volts, let alone 12 and 13.

[ Parent ]
WIPO by DesiredUsername (2.00 / 0) #5 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 07:08:48 AM EST
"Too bad dere's only da two of us!"

Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline
WIPO: by blixco (4.00 / 3) #6 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 07:49:15 AM EST
<gargling>Give us a kiss!</gargling>
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
tough poll by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #7 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 07:53:36 AM EST
i'm stuck deciding between two

I never heard that one by georgeha (4.00 / 2) #14 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 09:26:54 AM EST
can you post the rest of the joke?

[ Parent ]
WIPO by Breaker (2.00 / 0) #8 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 08:04:00 AM EST
No, Seamus, there's two conc-conc-concrete posts before that!

Living near Canadia is Great! by Bob Abooey (4.00 / 4) #9 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 08:23:06 AM EST
I go there for all my drugs and abortions!

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

WIPO: by miker2 (4.00 / 1) #10 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 08:32:53 AM EST
A pizza can feed a family of four.

RE: currency:
Saying, loudly, "who the fuck is this cunt?" while collecting cash from an ATM in Montreal will not win the hearts and minds of the locals.

Ah, sociopathy. How warm, how comforting, thy sweet embrace. - MNS
I thought that was a guitar player joke by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #13 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 09:26:26 AM EST

[ Parent ]
It's really a racist joke punchline by miker2 (2.00 / 0) #15 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 09:36:20 AM EST
Saying just the punchlines is usually more funnier than actually telling the joke.

Some more:

  • Put velcro on the ceiling.
  • Hide them under his work boots.
  • Hang one in the front.
  • etc.

Ah, sociopathy. How warm, how comforting, thy sweet embrace. - MNS
[ Parent ]
WIPO: by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #11 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 08:34:45 AM EST

"Aren't you a little old to be believing in Leprechauns?"

Damn, I love that joke.

You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
I thought it was by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #24 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 09:48:10 AM EST
I told ya ye wer fuckin' a penguin!

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
WIPO by Herring (4.00 / 1) #12 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 09:00:24 AM EST
Look Paddy, it's raining Datsun Cogs.

You can't inspire people with facts
- Small Gods

WIPO by riceowlguy (4.00 / 1) #16 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 10:16:03 AM EST
"I told her to shit in her hat and the fight was on!"

WIPO: and four to say that the old bulb was better by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #17 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 11:06:50 AM EST
Wait... that might be Scotchmen.

Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
No, no, the Scotch punchline is by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #18 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 11:25:23 AM EST
but you get caught fockin one sheep...

[ Parent ]
Current, not voltage by FlightTest (2.00 / 0) #19 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 12:05:01 PM EST
Alternators actually control their current output, not voltage (they increase the current to keep the voltage steady). Unless you've replaced the fuse for your cigar lighter with a penny, you'll blow the fuse for the lighter long before you overload the alternator, even with the lights on and windshield wipers going as well.

If you do decide to test it for the sake of testing, it is possible that at idle the alternator may not be capable of putting out enough current to keep the voltage up. If it's not showing sufficient voltage at idle, have someone hold the accelerator down just a bit, it shouldn't need to be cruise RPM to bring it up. If you're idling long enough for your seat warmer to drain your battery, you have other problems.

Also, an ammeter (that will show both charge and discharge rates) is probably more useful in a car than a voltmeter, but voltmeters are far easier to wire, so ammeters are relatively rare.

'doh! by FlightTest (2.00 / 0) #20 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 12:59:11 PM EST

After looking at it some more, I'm not technically right in saying alternators regulate their current, not voltage. They regulate voltage (holding it constant), but the nature of the way the voltage regulation is done changes the output current.

But it's convenient to think of it as controlling current, as that what changes as the load changes over the normal operating range. If you maxed it out, then yeah, the voltage would drop, but you measure the load on the alternator in amps, not volts.

[ Parent ]
WIPO by dmg (2.00 / 0) #21 Sat Mar 18, 2006 at 12:52:42 PM EST
The IRA give advanced warnings.
dmg - HuSi's most dimwitted overprivileged user.
He was arrested for having an Armalite by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #22 Sat Mar 18, 2006 at 01:12:12 PM EST

[ Parent ]
The whole joke goes something like: by dmg (2.00 / 0) #23 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 06:17:03 AM EST
Q: What's the difference between the Gas Board* and the IRA** ?
A: The IRA give advanced warnings.

* UKian natinalised house gas supplier of the 70s

**Irish Republican Army - A group of Terrorist/Freedom Fighters depending on which side of the Atlantic you reside, and whether you happen to be in the firing line of their MI5/MI6 inspired bombing campagins.

The humour derives from the fact that both these groups would happily blow up your house, but only the IRA would phone the police with a coded warning beforehand...
dmg - HuSi's most dimwitted overprivileged user.

[ Parent ]
Re: MIL/Aunto Flo visit by houser2112 (2.00 / 0) #25 Mon Mar 20, 2006 at 03:27:51 AM EST
Wouldn't it be best to have these visits coincide?  You're probably not getting any while either are in town, so why not have them in town at the same time?

Yes, and yes by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #26 Mon Mar 20, 2006 at 03:44:58 AM EST
Nothing like a severe depressive attack to kill the libido.

[ Parent ]