Interview outfit

Smart casual   1 vote - 3 %
Business casual   3 votes - 11 %
Business formal   5 votes - 19 %
Blouse and skirt (national formal)   7 votes - 26 %
Wood. Er, woAd.   0 votes - 0 %
The full Black Knight regalia.   10 votes - 38 %
26 Total Votes
WIPO: Kneepads and your kilt by georgeha (4.00 / 5) #1 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 08:21:28 AM EST
show the proper willingness to kneel down and take/give one for the team.

Heat, eh ? by sasquatchan (4.00 / 3) #2 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 08:27:07 AM EST
gentle warming, right guv

It doesn't really work that well by Forbidden (4.00 / 2) #18 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 12:27:27 PM EST
So I've heard.

You once was.
[ Parent ]
Maybe your friend found a bum by yankeehack (4.00 / 1) #30 Fri Mar 10, 2006 at 01:44:52 PM EST
bottle. AHEM
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB
[ Parent ]
Black Knight. Queen Four by Breaker (4.00 / 2) #3 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 08:29:53 AM EST
It'll help break the ice in the interview.  And also, when they ask you what you do in your spare time, you can demonstrate.

Also, having a bloody great sword with you will strengthen your bargaining power when it comes to discussing salary.

Also, for the interview, don't be yourself.

What excuse will you give your boss for skipping out of the office for so long? 


  • Dental appointment
  • I'm off to have my sword sharpened
  • I'm off to talk to my lawyer with regard options
  • I'm off to get a job where they have a fucking clue, you shit brained knobjockey
In any case, a lot of the conditions attached to the options you will be offered make them pretty much worthless.  They may make you cough up for the options right now but with an exercise date far in the future.  They get to keep your money and interest thereof.  Enforced buy back on termination of employment is usually the one that'll get you (especially as they just return your money, no interest or owt).  Unless you want to be stuck there for another 3 years waiting for the exercise date to roll around... 

Oh by Breaker (4.00 / 1) #5 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 08:35:44 AM EST
And good luck!

[ Parent ]
In order by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #7 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 08:42:12 AM EST
  • They already know what I do in my spare time; it's on my CV.  It's quirky, d'ye see?
  • My bargaining power when discussing salary is that they'll want me.  They'll want me bad.  Because...
  • I haven't been off the market for that long, and my spies have already reported back.  I have no intention of being myself.  I'm going to be upbeat and heavily into the merits of strict process.  I may even look up what CMM stands for.
  • I'll ad lib something about having to get out early, as synagogue is no fun if you haven't been to the pub first.
  • Surely no ethical employer would try to use worthless options to trick their staff into working harder for no real extra reward?  Really, you must try to be less cynical.

Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
CMM by gpig (4.00 / 2) #11 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 09:31:51 AM EST
stands for 'Capability mumble mumble'.

(,   ,') -- eep
[ Parent ]
I know what it stands for. by ambrosen (4.00 / 1) #13 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 09:54:05 AM EST
Erratically formatted 500 page word documents with 5 pages per dialogue box, and zero narrative structure or coherence.

Still, it seems the product I was working on launched within 3 months of its scheduled date, with only some functionality dropped (the USP), so it can't be all bad.

[ Parent ]
Options by ucblockhead (4.00 / 2) #16 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 11:19:11 AM EST
I've gotten options five times:

  1. Quit company because they weren't even paying they salary they owed me.
  2. Eventually quit in disgust. As far as I know, over a decade later, options are still worthless.
  3. Company went under before I even had a chance to think about exercise them.
  4. I actually got to exercise them! When I quit, they forced buy-back. I actually made $3000!!!!!
  5. Company was sold with a share price 1/10th what the strike price was.

[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
Thank you, Sir. by Breaker (4.00 / 1) #21 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 01:55:24 PM EST
I now rest my case.

[ Parent ]
Overtime! by ucblockhead (4.00 / 3) #4 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 08:30:07 AM EST
You had me going until that one!
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
*Reportedly* by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #6 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 08:36:01 AM EST
They seem to be convinced that with enough process, working overtime shouldn't be necessary.  I'm beginning to wonder if they really develop software, or whether the whole thing is just some cunning new form of money laundering.

Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
Could be by Herring (4.00 / 2) #9 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 08:59:49 AM EST
I have heard of companies who have abandoned making software in favour of getting TickIT or CMM certified. Myself, I aspire to level 0.

LCC also has a theoretical overtime payment thingy. With a significant mil[e/l]stone looming the idea of slacking all week, then coming in for a couple of hours on a Sunday might just work.

You can't inspire people with facts
- Small Gods

[ Parent ]
Overtime by TurboThy (2.00 / 0) #20 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 01:51:27 PM EST
(Virtually) unknown here, and yes, we do actually ship a product.

Also, in re: wooing, I have received no less than four unsolicited employment enquiries over the last three weeks, one of which is for a position at thrice my current salary. Either I am working for baubles, or I have written stuff on my resume I don't know about.
Sommerhus til salg, første række til Kattegat.

[ Parent ]
Happened to me that too by idiot boy (4.00 / 2) #29 Thu Mar 09, 2006 at 04:36:28 AM EST
There's always something wrong with that £FuckingStupid roll though. Like the idiot you'd be working for (run screaming from the pub after meeting the gimp) or on being asked :

"How do you go to market? What your differentiator?"

Answer :

"Oh! We were hoping you'd come up with something like that for us"


[ Parent ]
Ask them this very important question: by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 3) #8 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 08:53:38 AM EST

How do they deal with internal conflicts?

Either they'll have some sane answer, indicating that it's rarely a problem, or they'll deny they ever have those conflicts, at which point you know that they'll make your life a living hell, as the conflicts, if denied, are omnipresent, and they've no clue how to deal with them.

And if you want, you can exercise some of my share options. I prefer much softer, aloe-tinged toilet paper, so they're of no use to me.

You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
I don't know about Scottlandia by Bob Abooey (4.00 / 1) #10 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 09:16:10 AM EST
But here in the States these are the things that are important:
  1. Firm handshake. No, wait, firm dry handshake.
  2. Good eye contact, but not the psycho I'd cut you into a 1000 pieces and feed you to my fish kinda eye contact.
  3. Good posture, don't slouch in your seat or shuffle around allot.
  4. Ask good questions. Who the best starfleet commander was is not a good question.
  5. Shine your shoes. If you pay attention to detail in dress you'll pay attention to detail in code.
  6. Being qualified for the job won't hurt you but if you master the art of the interview this isn't really all that important.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

OH DEAR GOD YOU FORGOT A VERY IMPORTANT TIP by dr k (4.00 / 2) #14 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 09:58:31 AM EST
7. To be early is to be on time. Show up a little late, to show them how you are able to conform without conforming.

:| :| :| :| :|

[ Parent ]
Your promised options are worth ... by lm (4.00 / 2) #12 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 09:37:14 AM EST
... the cost of the paper that they're printed on. If that's the only thing holding you back, get thee gone.

Advice: think of several anecdotes in advance where $BORG saves $PROJECT from $CERTAINDOOM.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
the cost of the paper that they're printed on by codemonkey uk (4.00 / 1) #26 Thu Mar 09, 2006 at 04:03:37 AM EST
worth less, in fact

blank paper has a use, and therfore a value

share options are worth about as much as a betting slip that you've just filled out, but didn't actually pay for yet

--- Thad ---
Almost as Smart As you.

[ Parent ]
two points by lm (2.00 / 0) #27 Thu Mar 09, 2006 at 04:05:46 AM EST
  1. he hasn't any options yet. therefore the value of the paper they're printed on is what?
  2. on this side of pond, options aren't printed anymore, but assigned electronically. therefore the value of the paper they're printed on is what?

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]
/yawn by codemonkey uk (4.00 / 3) #28 Thu Mar 09, 2006 at 04:20:44 AM EST
How difficult is it to print up some options. by ambrosen (4.00 / 2) #15 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 09:59:47 AM EST
I mean, it's not the granting that's the problem, it's the making them worth something.

Don't feel the pressure to stay because of options, anyway.

Borrow CBBs outfit by wiredog (4.00 / 2) #17 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 11:21:02 AM EST
Including the shoes.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

The purple and green one . . . by slozo (2.00 / 0) #23 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 05:08:04 PM EST
. . . mind you . . . they'll assume you are on a quest for metropolitan domination, and basically let you have the run of the joint.

[ Parent ]
Damn. by motty (4.00 / 1) #19 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 12:31:48 PM EST
I clicked on 'Blouse and skirt' in the poll before having read as far down as 'Full Black Knight Regalia', which is obviously what I would have voted for had I bothered to actually read the whole poll before clicky clicking. Please adjust your totals accordingly.

I amd itn ecaptiaghle of drinking sthis d dar - Dr T
good luck by 606 (4.00 / 1) #22 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 02:04:20 PM EST

imagine dancing banana here
share options by codemonkey uk (4.00 / 1) #24 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 11:44:31 PM EST

--- Thad ---
Almost as Smart As you.
No product? by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #25 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 11:49:56 PM EST
I'd look into that one.

But as my dear old gran used to say, a change is as good as a rest, so go for it and good luck.

It's political correctness gone mad!