I offer my sincere apologies to anyone that is offended by my evaluation of their stories. My intent is not to harm, but to give my honest opinion on the prose I read. Again, I mean no offense; although I am aware I may cause offense or otherwise upset some authors.
Please be aware that there may be SPOILERS in each review. I recommend you read the stories before reading my reviews.
!!!!!!!!Spoiler Alert!!!!!!!!!!!
Enclosed 6/10 Rating
The prose in this entry occasionally was breathtaking, but it also stumbled badly here and there. Reading of the story went pretty smoothly without too much cause to stop and re-read.
I wonder if the author was trying to make the main character’s loneliness more real by making it seem as if the main character was indifferent at times. Clearly, Joe was everything to him, and the rage he felt against the pilot that killed Joe was impressive. Yet, the story had many elements of dystopia that could lead us to a larger loneliness, loneliness for two billion dead and a planet forever changed. I found the story depressing but considering the subject of WFC7, that isn’t surprising. I didn’t care for the story, but I don’t like dystopias either. It fulfilled the purpose of the WFC7, if in a somewhat rambling way.
3:17am 7/10 Rating
An easy reading story. Well constructed and to the point. I found the prose itself pleasing and while not particularly pithy of phrase, it flowed smoothly.
The story itself brought to mind a cook who simply couldn’t make a cake, despite having all of the ingredients, equipment, and time needed. Love was present, marriage was present, sexual attraction was present. Yet, our protagonist was lonely. So lonely that infidelity was considered a possible way out. The only thing I didn’t understand about the story was the emphasis on marriage. It was put on the same pedestal as love. Yet, the protagonist considered infidelity to end it, albeit as a last resort. I would almost say that the author places marriage on a higher pedestal than the protagonist does. The story ended in a way I found acceptable, if not satisfying. The protagonist was beginning to let his feelings be known. It’s a start. This story fits the WFC and was generally well done.
Spike 9/10 Rating --Voted
Unlike the previous two stories, this one contained lots of dialog. Good dialog and good characterization. The flow of the story was easy, with the exception of the name Sherry and Sherwood. I never got if the protagonist was a man or a woman. Not that it matters to the outcome of the story, just a little weave to the outside.
The story leads us on a small journey in a magical world where magicians, math, science and parallel universes are all dealt with. It was a fascinating glimpse into a new world. I have to say to the Author, that the world concept behind Spike has legs. Flesh it out and run with it. Fascinating.
“Spike” fulfilled the lost object portion of the WFC7 and was an excellent representative. Well done and an enjoyable read.
Sylvia Endicott Weld, from the Fall of 2004 to the Spring 2006 5/10 Rating
The writing of this story is good, the pacing good as well. We get to know Sylvia, we get to know Paul, such as there is of him. The prose moves well, doesn’t trip over itself. Although I have to admit I had to look up what “anchorite” meant.
The story itself is interesting. I don’t know if it fulfills WFC7. Clearly there is loneliness and clearly there is something lost and then found. It seems to me to be about someone with a mental illness. It was a good story, but….I’m not sure I get the connections. It is possible they are simply too subtle for me. I tend to take things at face value and perhaps that is why I am missing something in the story. It left me wondering why another’s horror of pornography had anything to do with the clinical depression Sylvia had. I have to say this story had tremendous promise and it let me down. Well written, but the story craft is either poor or beyond me.
Hello, What’s This? 3/10 Rating
This story could flat out use editing. The prose is halting, the eye has to frequently re-read sentences to get this gist. The entire feel of the story was “first draft” Also, for reasons that are probably not the author’s fault, the story was spaced in a manner that made me want to tear my hair out.
The story itself was a bit of a rambling mess and the characters elicited no emotion from me. I spent most of the story confused, then bored, then not caring. The WFC themes seem to be minimally present. In short, I don’t have much good to say about this story. It didn’t even engage me enough to leave me wanting.
The Alley 4/10 Rating
The writing is good in this story, not too polished, but not jerky or displeasing either. It works in the background, allowing me to concentrate on the story, not on the writing itself. Very workman like and well done in that respect.
The rest of the story had me going “Um, what?” I don’t really see the WFC7 themes. I appreciate that there isn’t always time to make full explanations with limited space, but this read like a chapter chopped out of a bigger book. I have no idea what was going on and no real emotion for any of the characters. The story has potential, it just never goes anywhere.
Broken Glass 8/10 Rating --Voted
This story flowed well, it never gave me pause to wonder about a turn of phrase or stutter in sentence. It seems complete and polished. A good effort.
The story didn’t seem as if it was going to end up going anywhere, but to my surprise and gratification it did. The story, after a somewhat slow start, hauled me in and held me there. The themes of loneliness and lost objects were woven in delicately, rather than hit us over the head. Very well done.
Mother’s Bible 7/10 Rating --Voted
The prose is well done, and while not the most polished thing, it certainly allowed me to get to the meat of the story without any trouble. The feel of the story was that of a finished product, and the product of a mind that can plan more then one move ahead.
The story itself was satisfying, if a tad depressing at the end. It included the elements of the WFC7 and did so with a fast, sharp ending that pierced the “A Christmas Story” feel with a brutal certainty. Well done.
Connecting Train 7/10 Rating
The writing was good on this piece, the prose smooth enough to get you through the story. Perhaps a little too much body detail where it wasn’t necessary, but still. I felt that the writing here was effective.
The story itself was a bit confusing at first, but then came together nicely. It was well thought out and had some surprising elements. The main characters, with the exception of the wallet contents, were all a more or less props. Yet, it was still an effective way to show the transitory nature of things, loss, loneliness, and the finding of objects. It fulfills the WFC7 requirements and overall left me satisfied. A solid effort.
Haunted House 6/10 Rating
Good writing, directly to the point. Descriptions only where needed and a clean feel to the writing. Not terribly polished or complicated, but none the less serviceable.
The story itself was refreshingly clean. A simple tale of loneliness and the death of a loved one. The story did not confuse or obfuscate the issue, it presented it as it was, no frills. A good effort and not frustrating. However, not terribly original either.
Frame of Reference 4/10 Rating
The prose in this piece is difficult. The author suffers from the same affliction that I have oftentimes in my own writing, a penchant for commas and lists of things that are happening. The prose got in the way of the story, some sentences had to be re-read or went on a long time. On top of that, the “chapter” format for a very short work of 2500 words or less feels like a crutch. The work could do with some revision.
The story itself fulfilled the requirements of the WFC7, but left me cold. I can only think that the protagonist is insane or simple. Considering the university setting, I imagine that simple is not likely. I didn’t identify with the protagonist nor did I care about nearly anything that happened in the story. It was strangely lifeless. Not a bad story, but not a good one either.
(not really, just wanted to fulfill my drama quotient for the afternoon)--------------------------------- "You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin[ Parent ]
