Hulver's site || Comments || So how do I get myself an NSK Passport, anyway?

What we have here if a failure to communicate by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #18 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 11:59:15 AM EST

I'm joining the school that says communication twixt partners is key, with honesty being paramount, with some caveats about timing, ie. bringing up low libido when someone is grieving their mother's dementia is wrong.

Granted, this is hard, and you have to hear some brutal stuff, but at least it gets all the cards on the table.

Other good techniques are mirroring (repeat what the other person said first, then respond) and the talking stick (person with the stick talks until done, no interruption).

At some point, you have to put aside all those reservations and jump whole heartedly into something, if that's what you really want. Of course, you open yourself to immeasurable hurt and betrayal, but hey, that's life.

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Mirroring by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #20 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 12:11:14 PM EST

That technique sounds like a Neuro-Linguistic Programming trick to me. I like the talking stick idea, but I'll never get lmfB to agree to it. She'll accuse me of going all Joseph Conrad on her ass.

And I agree with what you're saying, it's just a fine line between jumping wholeheartedly and making a last minute move of desparation. Relationships: It Ain't All Gravy!

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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
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Mirroring is more of an Eliza trick by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #21 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 12:15:51 PM EST

But you repeat what the other person said until they agree that you understand it, it gets you past the hear what you want to not what was said thing.

Native Americans are still hip, tell her the talking stick was used at pow-wows from time immemorial by the Cherokee. I'll even make you an authentic one, drawing on my 0.2% Native Ameerican heritage.

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Why do you say is more of an Eliza trick? by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #22 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 12:25:28 PM EST

I'd be content if she'd just be willing to discuss it without crying then switching the subject to some other random small thing. Nothing to do but wait until she's ready, I guess. I'm a big fan of directness. Apparently, other people aren't.

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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
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: You haven't talked about Eliza's mother lately by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #23 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 12:28:14 PM EST

Writing stuff down is another way to approach a subject that's too sensitive to talk about. You can even write questions and answers back and forth.

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I shouldn't have sticks in my hands by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #47 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 06:44:58 PM EST

when I talk to people. It's just the prudent thing to do.

General rules are: All skirts no lower then [sic] two inches below the knee (unless it's for Church) --Travis Frey
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I've heard of a spoon being used by georgeha (4.00 / 2) #48 Tue Mar 21, 2006 at 09:05:21 PM EST

though that loses something.

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: I suppose I could try it. by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #49 Wed Mar 22, 2006 at 12:54:34 AM EST

As long as it's not made of wood.
General rules are: All skirts no lower then [sic] two inches below the knee (unless it's for Church) --Travis Frey
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